There are few things in life I regret, there’s that time I dropped the coffin at my uncle’s funeral or the time I failed the driver’s license exam because that I had eaten hallucinogenic mushrooms before but when I look back THE thing that I regret is my choice of living language 2 in college. If like me you are one of the big losers who took Spanish then you are in the zero part of the population, you eat fruit jellies and people point you in the street because you stink of old ass. Had to take German as I’m going to prove to you.
1. Because there will be fewer of you in class
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While 80% of the assholes in your college will learn Spanish to know how to say “tortilla” and “bocadillo de jamon” by cramming into rooms of 60 students, you will be very quietly in a class of eight with a (e) teacher who will always be able to stimulate you and teach you a new language while having fun. In just a few days you will have no more skin problems and people will copy your avant-garde style of clothing.
2. Because you will only get good grades
Finally to get good grades in German LV2 you must also have taken German LV1, and there if you follow a minimum you will have a good average in both subjects and no one will be able to tell you anything, since you will answer them in German , this language that inspires respect.
3. Because when you speak German, people listen
Well they don’t understand, but they listen. This is the strength of this authoritative and melodious language. A melody that freezes the blood.
4. Because 97% of people who have done German earn more than 4000 euros per month
This statistic comes to us directly from INSEE and is therefore not to be taken with dry bread (or tweezers, but in German we say dry bread). There is a strong propensity for people who speak fluent German to live comfortably, in other words they are broke.
5. Because Spanish and English are doomed languages
In 15 to 20 years, English and Spanish will disappear from the surface of the globe, leaving a part of the population absolutely unable to communicate since it will happen overnight and people who will not speak other languages will be stupid. You don’t want to be part of it.
6. Because only handsome kids speak German
Albert Einstein, Claudia Schiffer, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Karl Lagerfeld, Johann Sebastian Bach, Karl Marx, the Grimm brothers, the guy who played in Derrick… Honestly, I don’t know what else you need, it’s that beautiful kids, and you only have to see a photo of Einstein in a tank top to see it.
7. Because it’s the most spoken language in the world
German is spoken in nearly 192 of the 195 countries recognized as independent countries by the UN, including Limousin. It is the vast majority of the planet. Surprisingly, even some Melanesian tribes who have never had contact with the outside world have developed the ability to speak German on their own. Unbelievable. It’s not badly spoken in South America too, but that’s for another reason.
8. Because speaking German makes you understand all other languages
If we trace the linguistics of 93% of the living languages spoken in the world, we realize that their root comes from German. If you speak this language, then you will not only be able to understand Chinese, Russian or even Portuguese, but you will also be able to read the different alphabets of the world. Do not waste anymore time.
9. Because it’s the oldest language in the world
For many years they were unable to decipher ancient Mesopotamian tablets until they were given to a German researcher. And there amazement: it was quite simply written in the language of Goethe (German) and the researcher in question was immediately able to affirm that it was in fact a shopping list.
10. Because you will open the doors to the greatest gastronomy in the world
Potato salad, frankfurter and mashed potatoes, apple strudel, a good old pork shank with potatoes, comforting sauerkraut… It’s not for nothing that German gastronomy shines worldwide: they are able to do a lot of different dishes with the same three foods (pork, potatoes and cabbage). Historically only one people manages to stand up to them on this and it is the Bretons who are able to make 2000 recipes with eggs, butter, flour and sugar. These idiots are strong.
11. Because all the best jobs require speaking German
Motorway designer, museum curator, apple wine sommelier, diver in the Danube or conductor, all these jobs require a thorough knowledge of the German language and are reserved for the elite. These doors of success are waiting for you, it’s up to you to open them.
12. Because Jesus spoke German
Of course it has been translated by a whole bunch of incompetents since, but when Jesus said “drink, this is my blood” he was obviously talking about the German signature drink sangria (stolen by the Spanish during the Roman invasions). And if the speech of Jesus was able to resonate with so many people it is because at the base he obviously spoke in German.