If we’ve ever told you about the worst special effects of the decade, we kind of forgot to mention the times when we clearly used special effects for nothing, and it happened several times. We are not going to dwell any longer on this introduction because in any case you are only two to read it, including my mother. Hi Mom.
1. Dakota Johnson’s pubic hair in “50 Shades of Grey”
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In several scenes of the trilogy 50 shades of gray the actors were almost naked, because it’s more or less a very bad soft porn this movie. That being said they had patches of fake skin to hide their gender, so in one scene we had to add fake pubic hair to actress Dakota Johnson in CGI and it must have been a very boring job to do.
2. Wesley Snipes’ eyes in “Blade Trinity”
In one scene of the film Wesley Snipes had to open his eyes when he woke up, which the actor completely refused to do to piss off the director with whom he did not get along at all. So we had to do a disgusting special effect after the shoot just to show her eyes opening. Ridiculous.
3. Reducing Lindsay Lohan’s breasts in “The Ladybug Returns”
When we did a test screening of the Disney family movie The Ladybug is back some viewers took offense to the size of Lindsay Lohan’s breasts, saying breasts that were a little too big had no place in a family movie (some people have a problem). So the team was forced to reduce the size of the actress’ breasts using digital special effects so that Americans could watch the film without having a heart attack.
4. Dog shit in “John Wick”
We don’t even mess around, in the movie John Wick the main character’s dog had to put a peach in the lawn, except that we weren’t really allowed to give him laxatives and the director decided that it would be boring to create a fake plastic poop. So he asked the special effects team to create a dog poo in CGI, which cost $5,000 to produce. The most beautiful shit in cinema.
5. Erase Henry Cavill’s mustache in “Justice League”
It would be an understatement to say that the filming of Justice League was a real mess. Started by Zack Snyder, filming was halted when the director lost his daughter, leaving Joss Whedon to take over directing. Except that Whedon decided to erase quite a few scenes and shoot some more, but Henry Cavill (Superman) was already on another shoot and couldn’t shave his mustache. So we were forced to erase said mustache with disgusting special effects that traumatized many people.
6. Captain Marvel’s flowing hair in “Avengers: Endgame”
There was so much money going into the production of this movie that we even started using special effects for stupid stuff. For example, in the scene where Captain Marvel is in space we needed to show her hair floating, which we decided to do with CGI by having the actress wear a kind of swimming cap during the filming the scene. Why not, there’s money to slam in the end.
7. Take off Jessica Alba’s underwear in “Machete”
Robert Rodriguez really wanted Jessica Alba to be naked in his film, except that Alba is one of the actresses who refuses to do nudes and she is right. So the director asked for her permission to simply erase her underwear with special effects and create a fake bare ass, which the actress accepted. There are those who take the lead for not much.
8. The ultra creepy baby in “Twilight”
In the latest installment of The Shining Vampire Adventures, Bella has a child with Edward, and instead of using a real baby to film these scenes, the crew decided to create a fake baby in CGI. Except that it was above all the creation of the most freakish abomination in history, the baby being really an awful creature that probably cost a lot of money for nothing, really really for nothing.
9. Jennifer Connelly’s tears in “Blood Diamond”
There’s no shame in not knowing how to cry on command, a lot of actors can’t do it and in these cases we use fake liquid tears that we put in our eyes. But in the movie Blood Diamond we simply decided to create fake ones with special effects in CGI because it was cheaper than reshooting several times until the actress manages to cry OR GIVING HER DAMN DROPS.
10. A smirk from Marlon Brando in “The score”
In the same way that Wesley Snipes on the set of Blade TrinityMarlon Brando behaved like a real motherfucker on that of The Score, his latest film. In addition to attacking the director and continually insulting him, he had simply refused to smile in a scene, which meant that we had to recreate a smirk in CGI to stick to the script. It’s really stupid to come to this when people paid outrageously expensive refuse to do their job.
11. Fake people, to mask real naked people in “Eyes Wide Shut”
If you saw Stanley Kubrick’s latest film you probably noticed that there were a lot of naked people, there were perhaps a bit too many for the taste of the producers since they had to hiding several naked bodies with fake CGI people in the foreground in several scenes. Stanley Kubrick had already died during this final phase of editing and they found it more respectful to mask certain shots than to re-shoot scenes.
12. Rejuvenate Orlando Bloom in “The Hobbit”
Of course, when someone plays a character who can’t really age and you shoot a prequel to the original film twelve years later, that’s a problem. So we had to rejuvenate Orlando Bloom with special effects, which doesn’t give anything very convincing. By the way, a little fun fact, the actor who plays Legolas’ (Lee Pace) father in the film is younger than Orlando Bloom, which you were shown in the movie’s abused parent/child age differences.