It’s a little too hot (like 150°C in the shade locked in your cellar) and you want a little refreshment on the terrace to get through this hard day feeling drops of sweat flowing from under your arms? Here are the cocktails to order, which will certainly not give you the impression of being drunk in a minute and a half but which will know how to hydrate you, because their water content is higher than that of Niagara Falls. Believe me, they are worth their price, the price of your life.
1. The Mojito
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There are plenty of reasons to shit on the mojito, including the fact that it’s a cocktail to be wary of, but especially the fact that there is more float than in a 6L pack from Evian. Death to the mojito, and faster than that.
The southerners may have Ricard as their favorite drink, but they haven’t yet understood that they were getting screwed every time. Yes, because spinning half a shot to dilute in a liter of water every three hours is clearly more profitable for bartenders than for drinkers. I say it like that huh…
3. Spritz St. Germain
This cocktail clearly deserves all the judgments in the world, because in addition to giving itself a false chic air (when not at all), it is stuffed with float, in particular because of the large ice cubes, but especially because of the sparkling water. which is present at 97%. Made there, take yourself a good Perrier, it’s better.
4. The Caipirinha
Like its cousin the mojito, the caipirinha contains more ice cubes than Antarctica contains icebergs. At the same time, it becomes too difficult with the heat waves every two weeks. Yeah, it denounces yeah.
5. The Moscow Mule
Let me tell you that it is not because the Moscow Mule is drunk in a slightly stylax glass that it is better than the others. It contains at least as much fleet as its congeners present in this top. Even if we forgive him because he gives the impression of being a highly superior person to the rest of the population.
6. The Margarita
In addition to being a cocktail that only the girls of Desperate Housewives drink, it’s also a cocktail that we hate for its too many ice cubes that fall on your eyes as soon as you want to drink because of the too big glass. And also because of the salt they put on the rim sometimes, but that’s another story.
7. Free Cuba
Already, the Cuba Libre is going a little crazy, because in reality, it’s clearly just a rum and coke. But a rum-coca to which we add at least 2 L of the fleet because all the same, rum is expensive. They don’t do it to us.
8. Mai Thai
This cocktail that looks super good in appearance is a big cheat, because yes, it may look full of alcohol with its bg colors, but still, it is just as watery as the others. Hell, when are they going to stop giving us looted ice and ice cubes everywhere???!!!
9. The Black Russian
If the name of the cocktail is a little scary, you have nothing to worry about: there is so much water that you risk neither alcoholic coma nor internal drying out.
10. The Old Fashioned
We are clearly on a large ice cube surrounded by 5cL of alcohol. Not enough to turn our livers upside down.
11. The Negroni
As with the Old Fashioned, I would go so far as to say that there are more ice cubes than glass to hold the cocktail in this drink. It’s starting to do a lot.
12. Long Island Iced Tea
Already we have to bang all the bottoms of expired bottles, we also have to dilute all that with the fleet to make it more digestible. But you think we didn’t understand your little game bartenders?? You won’t fool France like that!