Top 11 reasons why having a baby is the best alibis

Having a baby is sometimes quite practical. Apart from the fact that it’s generally intrusive, that it stinks, that it cries and that it demands attention all the time (damn little pains from our own flesh), it can also sometimes really save the day.

1. When you don’t feel like going to a bad party

“No I can’t come tonight, I couldn’t find a babysitter to look after the Heir, sorry…”. And bam, here’s your perfect excuse for not going to Sandrine de la Compta’s farewell drink, drinking hot sparkling wine while eating Picard petits fours with all your work colleagues that you already have trouble supporting during the day. GOOD PLAN.

2. When you don’t feel like going to work

“Sorry boss, I can’t come today, the little one has gastro, I have to stay home with him”. While your kid is in great shape and is going to spend his day at the nursery, while you can stay baby on your sofa watching Netflix in your pajamas, eating Chocapic directly from the box (absolute rebellion).

3. When you’re stingy

“No really, I can’t take part in Kevin’s birthday kitty, I have to buy diapers for the little one, and pay for the crèche, I don’t have a penny anymore”. While in real life, you could very well put 20 balls in this kitty, but you’re just too stingy. Or you just don’t want to. Because birthday pots are morally untenable in the long run.

4. When you can’t lose weight

“It’s normal that I still can’t lose weight, I just gave birth”. Except that this excuse only works for a while, it’s been 3 years since you laid your roast, suddenly it doesn’t work too much.

5. When you eat for four

“It’s because I’m still breastfeeding, it takes strength”. Yes it’s true, it takes strength, but maybe that’s not a reason to take a third Magnum with almonds and eat fries with every meal.

6. When you’re too lazy to dress up

“There’s no point in me getting dressed, anyway he’s going to vomit on me again, it’s better that I stay in pajamas”. I admit, it’s kind of the best excuse. Why dress up when you know you’re going to be gross in 10 minutes?

7. When you don’t feel like waiting in line

With a baby, you go first to the airport, and if you want to push the vice a little, you can even walk past everyone at the supermarket checkout, making them cry a little. No one wants to hear a kid scream, and the crowd will miraculously part in front of you.

8. When you feel like spending money

You really want to spend some money, except that you feel guilty shopping for yourself when you have lots of bills to pay. And that’s where having a baby comes in handy: you can buy him clothes, toys, in short, snap a lot, telling yourself it’s not for you, it’s for him. Except that we know very well that he doesn’t give a damn about having new clothes.

9. When you’re late

“Sorry, I couldn’t arrive before, the little one was crying and didn’t want me to leave the house”. Myth! Your kid was sound asleep, it’s just that you thought you were laaaarge on the timing, as usual.

10. When there is a global pandemic

“Ah damn but I’m not going to be able to come you know I have a child and they are hyper propagators of the coronavirus, I think he passed it on to me so it’s better not to meet”.

11. When you killed someone

“No, but Mr. Policeman, I couldn’t kill that person, I was at home breastfeeding my tiny baby, and then how can you think I’m a murderer when I’m a mom ? ». It is well known, mothers are irreproachable (no).

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