We often say “Don’t do to others what you don’t want them to do to you” (at least my mother says so). And yet, there are times when we have only one desire: to see the one who has hurt us choke on the rind of ham that is too dry. To make them drool, some prepare revenge better than Kill Bill, even if it takes years to fine-tune it all. The more time passes, the more the revenge surpasses itself.
1. Stephen King got revenge on a guy who ran him over in a van in one of his books
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In 1999, the author was run over by a blue van driven by a guy named Bryan Smith. He emerged with multiple fractures to his hip, leg, ribs and back. Except that Bryan Smith kept his license and declared that it was a “accident for no reason”. In revenge, Stephen King created the character of Bryan Smith in his book The Dark Tower, a drug-addicted, mentally retarded guy with a Rottweiler named Bullet and a blue van (just like in real life). What an artist.
2. Poet Lord Byron bought a bear to piss off Cambridge University
When he wanted to go to Trinity College in Cambridge (in England) with his dog, he was refused entry because dogs were prohibited. He therefore bought a bear that he lodged above his room since no regulations prohibited it. A beautiful diversion of the rules in all its glory.
3. A man who had his computer stolen trolled his thief
Mark Bao had his laptop stolen. Then, he discovered in his cloud a video of the thief dancing, filmed with his computer and he decided to post it on Youtube. The video went so viral that the thief himself went to hand the computer over to the police and emailed Mark Bao to delete the video (which he didn’t, of course, and that’s it). is so much the better because it allows us to continue to watch this nugget).
4. The Dreamworks boss took revenge on his former boss in the first Shrek movie.
While he was one of the two bosses at the head of Disney, Jeffrey Katzenberg was fired by Michael Eisner. In revenge, the new boss of Dreamworks showed Disney characters like Snow White, Pinocchio and Tinkerbell as slaves in one of the first scenes of Shrek. He also made the song “Welcome to Duloc” sound a lot like Disneyland’s “It’s a small world” music and gave the character of Lord Farquaad the facial features of his enemy (knowing that Farquaad is when even very close to “fuckward”). It could almost fit into the best celebrity revenge on their ex.
5. David Bowie planned everything to piss off his manager
Between 1976 and 1980, the singer (intentionally) made the worst sounds, commercially speaking, of her career because her manager had the possibility of recovering 50% of her royalties until 1982. As soon as her contract ended, he released his song “Let’s Dance” which sold millions of copies and made him a millionaire.
6. Georges Lucas masterfully responded to his neighbors
For 25 years, the director tried to build a production studio on his land in Marin County, California. Without success because his neighbors did not want him to distort the place. So he sold his property to turn it into a low-income housing project. Cheh as they say in the industry.
7. Alfred Hitchcock openly laughed at one of his producers
The director hired Raymond Burr to play the villain in his film Courtyard window because he looked like David O. Selznick, the producer of four of Alfred Hitchcock’s films, who was absolutely undrinkable. Neat and tidy.
8. A man took over a police department after being fined for speeding
After receiving a retroactive speeding ticket, Brian McCrary tried to find a phone number that was not an emergency number. He thus realized that the domain name of the website of this police department was soon to expire. So he bought it back for $80 and then was able to tell everyone where the speed cameras and traffic cameras were and how to avoid them. We want a friend like that.
9. Prisoners Pranked Vermont Police
In the United States, inmates at a Vermont prison were tasked with printing stickers for state police cars. They cleverly hid a pig in the sticker design and it took the police more than a year to find out.
10. Peter Jackson gave Harvey Weinstein a big fuck thanks to an Orc
At the time Harvey Weinstein threatened Peter Jackson to replace him with Quentin Tarantino because the producer did not want to produce a Lord of the Rings saga but a 2 hour film. He also banned the director from casting the cast for actresses like Ashley Judd or Mira Sorvino, both of whom were sexually assaulted by the producer. In revenge, Peter Jackson decided to give one of his orcs the face of Harvey Weinstein. And honestly, we don’t really see the difference.
11. The owner of an abortion clinic trolled his haters.
Todd Stave, the owner of an abortion clinic in Massachusetts was harassed on the phone by anti-abortionists who called every hour to insult his family. He therefore set up a reminder campaign to thank them for supporting their action. In the end, a single person could receive up to 5,000 thank you calls.