If there is one area in which humanity surpasses itself, it is in the destruction of our planet. This is the area in which we excel, and every year, even every day, we manage to go further in ecological exploits. It’s so many records, victories, nay, accomplishments that we compile over time and that make us little champions of climate change. Come on, if we do it right, we may succeed in making humanity disappear before the next century. We loose nothing !!
1. We managed to put microplastics in the fresh snow in Antarctica!!
As Jean-Luc Reichmann said: “They didn’t know it was impossible, so they did it”. Yes, we did. We have successfully brought down snow containing microplastics in Antarctica. We laminated the weather forecast in one of the most remote places on earth. Who but us could have done it? Nobody, because we are the best.
2. We found a plastic bag in the Mariana Trench, well done!
Here, it’s not to tell us, but we know how to lose plastic bags 12km deep in the Mariana Trench. It’s not the chimpanzees who would have succeeded in doing that (those big dummies).
3. We beat new heat records every year (we love records)
We are not the type to rest on our achievements: if we can beat records, well we beat them, and it’s not a little heat that will scare us. It’s good huh, at worst we’ll put the air conditioning on…
4. The best tool we’ve invented to artificially cool ourselves in the summer is also one of the things that warms the planet the most: air conditioning
Frankly, you had to think about it. Such an elaborate vicious circle testifies to a great collective intelligence unattainable by other animal species which are content to graze on grass or copulate.
5. Over 680 species of vertebrates have been terminated in the last 500 years
Planet Earth is on its sixth mass extinction, and the one taking place today, well, it’s thanks to us. And be careful, we are only at the beginning. We’re not here for fun, so watch out animals, you’ll all go through it one by one.
6. We even managed to pollute space with more than 30,000 floating objects
“They knew it was impossible, but they did it anyway” as my neighbor on the fifth said. Thanks to man, every spacewalk becomes about as dangerous as walking around in the middle of a shooting gallery. Maybe we’re doing this to stop aliens from coming to invade us. Or maybe we just do it for fun, who knows?
7. We have created an era just linked to our species: the Anthropocene is ultra stylax
We left our carbon mark on an entire geological era because we’d rather do great things than sit on our couch with nothing to give a damn. You have to have a little ambition in life. What did the dolphins do? And the lions? Shit.
8. We literally created an eighth continent of trash, OMG we’re too strong!!!
Believers thought only a god could do this. Non-believers believed that only millions of years could achieve this. But we have proven that all it takes is a bit of capitalism and willpower to succeed in creating our own continent. The future belongs to those who over-package their products.
9. Eating plastic doesn’t even scare us.
Human beings eat up to 5 grams of plastic per week, the weight of a credit card. It’s like we eat money every week. It’s very strong.
10. We’re so strong we’re ahead of global warming predictions
So Evelyne, we’re less clever, huh??
11. We and our livestock represent 97% of the mammals on this planet.
Against 3% of wild mammals that we have, as a result, well stoned. CÉKILÉPLUFORTS?
Come on, it’s up to you to offer us other super cool exploits of humanity in the comments! There are still plenty left, it’s great! Here, we have something to inspire you with this top that proves that the climate is fine.