We already knew that the cinema told big myths about women but with regard to childbirth it is particularly convincing. So we’re going to dust off these old clichés maintained by the seventh art and the series, because women must know that in real life it’s not going to happen like that at all.
1. No, you don’t run to a taxi as soon as your water breaks
Contrary to a belief (mainly present among people who have never given birth in their life), there is no point in going to the maternity ward in a second after your water breaks, there will be several hours of work so as much take the time to take a shower (and not a bath if there is a crack in the pocket of water) and to prepare your things quietly. Well of course if it is our 6th child, it presses a little more huh.
2. The thrust as such does not last 24 hours
It depends of course from person to person, but on average it lasts half an hour. Beyond that, we generally proceed to a cesarean section or the use of gear to give a little help. Anyway, I don’t know about you, but at the movies I had the impression that the expulsion scenes lasted 17 centuries, well that was completely stupid.
3. No, you don’t bring all your friends back to the maternity ward
Overall, know that the Friends series has told us too many mythos about life, starting with making us believe that childbirth was a panty party at the maternity ward with all your friends roaming the hallways. FALSE.
4. No, the babies that are born are not all clean and beautiful.
In movies and TV shows, a baby who has just been kicked out will most often look gorgeous with dry, rosy hair and face. In real life, expect to see a mix of Gollum and a pigeon shit.
In the series:
In real life :
5. No, girls aren’t all dapper and glowing right after giving birth.
There again there’s a mistake on the merchandise, the chicks coming out of childbirth aren’t in peak physical condition and that’s normal since they’ve just achieved a fucking feat.
In the series:
In real life :
6. No, water breakage isn’t always 8 liters flowing into your living room
In fact it’s often just a small crack that looks more like a pee in the panties (and frankly at 9 months pregnant it’s not such a shocking thing anymore). Besides, it is useless to wait for the water to break to go to the maternity ward, because it can sometimes occur in full labor or even at the time of childbirth.
7. Question of modesty, the cinema is not totally honest
In the movies the girls are well wrapped up in their hospital gowns, in real life we can’t exactly say that childbirth is a moment of great modesty. And frankly, that’s usually the least of your worries.
8. Birthing rooms don’t look like train stations.
The delivery room is not a noisy place with people running around in panic and a mother who is screaming at death while giving birth (generally, it is very very calm, on the contrary, the mother is concentrated and there is not 40 people).
9. Giving a kiss on the forehead of the mother in labor is unlikely
The kiss on the forehead during labor or worse while the mother is pushing means taking the risk (the big risk) of being hit in the face with the head.
10. Maternity rooms don’t look like 5 star hotels at all
In the movies, the maternity ward rooms look like a luxury hotel… Clearly the guys have never set foot in a hospital (and even less in a Parisian hospital). In real life, you find yourself in a Soviet-style room painted pink or green (ideal for the complexion) in 1987 with a very, very white neon sign in your face. Forget the selfies, the result will be disgusting.
11. No one gives you flowers…simply because it’s forbidden.
Yes I know it’s shocking but in most maternities, flowers are forbidden, so no you won’t have a nice bouquet of fresh roses on your little table on wheels next to your cute baby (who won’t be cute at all).