Not everyone can be Zizou or Messi.
This terrible observation is nevertheless very real. Because for a few thousand hyper-talented professional football players, there are also a few big suckers. The term is dropped. Players much better than ordinary mortals certainly, but who shouldn’t have turned pro. Butchers, blunderers, lazy people, morons: yes, you can live off football for years and be useless. It’s even quite common.
So to pay a small tribute to these deserving players but exploded on the ground, we go back to the 90s and we look at a few cases. Strange careers for equally atypical players. We’re not making fun of it, we’re just taking stock.
No good if in fact we’re making fun of it, it’s two minutes anyway.
1. Ali Dia
Ali Dia’s story is legendary.
Because Ali is not a footballer but a hustler. He has the level of your friend Christophe who drinks beers on the bench every Sunday, and again. And yet Ali signed for Sunderland, which at the time was one of the biggest English clubs. But how ?
Initially, Ali Dia played in a few amateur teams in France: Dijon, La Rochelle and Saint Quentin. But the observation is the same everywhere: it’s hot brother.
So he tried his luck in England and went directly to the leaders of Sunderland. And the guy invents a life for himself by saying that he has three selections for the Senegal team (that’s wrong), that he was a pro in France (that’s wrong) and above all that he’s the cousin of Georges Weah. This is still false of course. Georges Weah is Liberian while Dia is Senegalese. But it still happens. The managers offered him a one-month trial contract.
His partners at the time were hallucinated by his level in training. They call him “Bambi on ice” which is a pretty self-explanatory nickname. But one day, stuck by the injuries of a lot of players (real ones), the Sunderland coach is forced to bring in the mythomaniac. He will play 53 minutes, will miss all his passes, will be out of breath after 10 minutes, will never be well placed on the field. In short, everyone realizes that it is not really Georges Weah.
Ali Dia will leave the club the next day. But he will still have played almost an hour in the biggest championship in the world.
2. Francis Llacer
” A butcher “.
This is what stands out the most when we talk about the former Parisian. Strictly speaking, he wasn’t “bad”, but his style, his quickdraw and his propensity to rip shins made him legendary. The complete antithesis of the PSG of now.
Nothing sexy about Francis, just a needy guy ready to hit the ground running. No technique, no class. A minimum yellow card per match and a dozen players injured by his fault. A butcher, what.
3. Daniel Kenedy
A karaoke singer’s first name, an assassinated president’s name: things were going badly.
As his name absolutely does not indicate, Daniel Kenedy is Brazilian. In theory. Because on the ball, Daniel wasn’t really Brazilian. Neither comfortable. Only one (horrible) season at PSG, which hastened to send him back to Portugal, where he did not shine more.
4. Chris Kamara
If Francis Llacer is a butcher, Chris Kamara is an assassin.
A mediocre player in the English championship, Kamara will spend most of his career in D2. But his specialty is fighting. In 1986, he punched a player in the middle of a game and broke his jaw. In 1989, a horrible tackle from behind broke his opponent’s leg. And so many others.
The former player repented and converted into a consultant and then a TV host. It is for example he who presents Ninja Warrior in England. Warrior, that we understood.
5. Marco Boogers
Marco is a completely useless Dutch striker.
And then one day, we don’t really know why, he managed to sign for West Ham. Huge English league club. He will only play 4 games there, without scoring of course. And the most memorable action of his time remains a murderous tackle against a Manchester United player. Called “the most violent tackle in the history of modern football” by “The Sun”.
Nice track record.
Some Manchester players even claim in the media that Boogers was only recruited with the prospect of injuring opposing players. Considering the level of the guy, it’s a theory not so far-fetched.
6. Gus Caesar
Gus Caesar regularly appears in the rankings of the most useless players who have played in the English Premier League.
Gus is a defender, who has the particularity of almost never running. He runs fast, he just never feels like it. Nicknamed “Frozen Rabbit” by Arsenal fans, the player is always in a bad position, tripping up on his own very regularly, breaking his mouth all the time. And worse, he never comes back and always covers offsides. He’s not really a defender, he’s just another attacker for the team opposite.
7. Massimo Taibi
An Italian goalkeeper of 1M90, on paper it seems interesting.
On paper only. Because Massimo is a sieve. Wherever he went, he accumulated pellets and mediocre performances. But he still managed to sign for Manchester United against 6 million euros. Hold up. He is supposed to replace legend Peter Schmeichel. But Massimo is no legend. He’s barely a soccer player.
He will play 4 games (and concede eleven goals) before being sold for 700,000 euros in Italy.
A very nice added value.
Paris and the Brazilians, definitely.
For a few Neymar and Ronaldinho, a lot of Daniel Kenedy or … Vampeta.
Technically, Vampeta is far from zero. He even happens to be brilliant. It’s rare, but it happens. But his thing at Vampeta is not so much football. It’s party. He spends his nights in a club sniffing everything that happens and ending up completely burned. A perfectly disgusting lifestyle which complicates its performance a little. Vampeta is more of a nightlife legend than a football legend.
But the leaders of PSG not being those of the Moulin Rouge, Vampeta was fired after a single season and only a dozen games. He then returned to Brazil to scour the bars and nightclubs of Sao Paulo.
9. Gilles Hampartzoumian
A name that will not speak to many people. But those who saw him play remember him fondly.
A mediocre side, with the top speed of Usain Bolt’s grandfather. And again, it’s not even sure. However, at the time Gilles was not bad. Questioned by So Foot a few years ago, he declared in the first degree: “Intrinsically, I was as strong as Thuram. »
Like what, it’s not so easy to self-assess.
10. Javier Mazzoni
FC Nantes has known incredible attackers, world champions, players who have known the highest level possible.
And Javier Mazzoni.
A Lorenzo Lamas physique, an awful nickname (“The sow”) and an abyssal level. Some incredible rumors suggest that the Nantes club’s recruitment unit decided to sign the player after seeing a tape of his exploits. But the player on the tape would not be Javier Mazzoni, but his brother.
We really cross our fingers that the story is true.