Do you dream of being bilingual but clearly you were sleeping at the back of the class during your high school English lessons? We are here to make your dreams of glory and success come true. Thanks to us, you won’t have to wait until you’re a little tipsy to master Shakespeare’s language perfectly.
1. Welcoming Erasmus from your school/university/whatever suits you
These puny little beings (or not) straight from distant lands and lost in our country, do not know where to go or what saint to devote themselves to when they land in our university establishments filled with unkind and ungrateful French students. HELP THEM. Join the associations intended to make them discover your city or take yourselves by the hand and go grab them in the hall of your university (without frightening them).
2. Watch series in English with ENGLISH subtitles (we don’t cheat)
And if you’re really hot, you can even watch them without them. Then if you’re totally crazy, you can completely turn off the sound and try to read the lips of the characters. You risk taking eight hours to understand a 20-minute episode, but you have to do what you have to, huh…
3. Reread your favorite sagas in their original version, “Fifty Shades of Grey” for example
The trick is simple: you already know the story, the ins and outs and then vaguely the names of the characters (not because sometimes the translators change them and it’s super boring). So, when you reread the book (if you still know what a book is), it will be much easier to find your bearings and navigate through the pages of the book.
4. Crate you in a pub anywhere in France
Beauf’s primary advice which combines two fun and friendly activities: practicing the English language with attractive bartenders who are there and drinking alcohol badly (drinking is bad). Moreover, everyone knows this rotten and false theorem consisting in considering that the higher the blood alcohol level, the more “fluent” one is (I allow myself, that’s the theme). In fact, the only thing that really happens to you is that you’re uninhibited and you’re no longer ashamed of your rotten accent.
5. Make Endless Kerouack Vocabulary Lists
Your English teacher probably remembers your look of disdain when she handed you endless lists of words to learn. And even if she did it on purpose to make you suffer, the effectiveness of this method is well established. Especially when you read them every day of your life because you strategically stuck them on your toilet door.
6. Configure all your appliances in English, even the microwave
That’s nice, that’s funny. And then, it will make you progress (and you clearly need it). However, this method quickly showed its limits when guinea pigs failed in their configuration and found themselves eternally damned, unable to find their bearings on a phone where everything is fully translated into Chinese.
7. Dating an English or a Rican
Combining pleasure and education, isn’t that beautiful? Next trip to the States, do not lose sight of this objective: to find love, the true, the beautiful, especially the English-speaking. You bargain hunt (not the country otherwise it no longer makes sense), you dialogue, you seduce. We’re counting on you.
8. REVISE YOUR GRAMMAR
We see you sigh and groan like a pre-pubescent teenager. Except that it’s not because you understand Stranger Things almost without watching the subtitles that you can speak English. And that, everyone realizes it every time you open your mouth and you smash the English grammar.
9. Forcing you to speak in English with your friends on the café terrace like big assholes
Hey there! From now on, no more French. Only English is required. The idea is to speak as loud as possible in order to drown out the voices of your table neighbors who, in any case, are big, monolingual rednecks. Any sentence in French is to be excluded. And this even when you tell your friends how you got dumped badly by your last boyfriend: I got kicked to the curb, like a big shit.
10. Having bilingual parents really makes it easier
Dad is from Spain. Mom grew up in London. And since you were born, your parents speak to you alternately in English and Spanish. Result at 20, you master the three languages perfectly and you deserve death, especially when you look for a word in French “because it’s crazy, the word comes to me spontaneously in English, I’m so sorry”. DIE.