Top 10 tips for becoming a drug lord, a job with a future

Are you fed up with your dull and sad life, with this cruel lack of money, affection and respect from your peers? Do you want to taste the high life, live dangerously, burn life at both ends and end up dead at 50 in your huge swimming pool shot down by the police? Then this top is for you because I’m going to give you advice on how to become a real drug lord and avoid ending up on the list of the worst drug dealers.

1. Follow a dedicated training fundable by the CPF account

Don’t think that being a drug lord is as easy to learn as being a neurosurgeon or a highway designer. To reach the upper echelons of this very fashionable environment, you will nevertheless find one or two very good training courses at the Nancy remand center that can be fully financed by the CPF account. This is enough to launch you serenely into this new profession full of the future.

2. Buy a plot to grow your drug

To start your business you are going to have to start at the bottom of the ladder. Obtain the old farmhouse from a dubious peasant family and hire them to produce your poppy. By training them well you will quickly have a first shipment of drugs to sell in the streets of your city and recover your investment which will allow you to grow and buy a pet tiger. I insist that this must be your first purchase.

Top 10 tips for becoming a drug lord, a job with a future

3. Recruit a team of winners

Just like when you were advised to become a good startup boss you also need a good team to run your drug business. Armed soldiers to defend your territory, a crooked accountant, chemists and botanists to develop your product, dealers to sell it but also a lookalike of your favorite star to feed your social networks and send dreams.

4. Find a powerful ally

You will probably not be able to climb to the top of the social ladder of drug traffickers on your own, you will need a powerful ally. Find an influential narco and offer to partner with you by selling your stock to him at a ridiculous price. Once this new alliance is sealed, you can both get a “matching tattoo“, a symbol of this fruitful friendship, like a dolphin or a bicycle chain.

Top 10 tips for becoming a drug lord, a job with a future

5. Reclaim territories from your rivals

Now that you have your product, you have to sell it, but the good deal spots are like the good mushroom spots of the Ardennes: savagely guarded by shady guys accompanied by komodo dragons. Attacking the opposing vendors and soldiers will get you nowhere, you will have to directly get rid of the leader of the opposing cartel by poisoning his orange juice to give him a deadly shit or start a rumor that he is an indicator of the FBI or that he liked the movie “Little Handkerchiefs” to destroy his credibility.

6. Buy a huge villa

Now that you are starting to weigh in the middle of the drug trade, you have to invest your income intelligently while avoiding attracting the attention of the representatives of justice. For this, nothing better than to build a huge villa in full view of all surrounded by a swimming pool and in which there are a dozen heliports, numerous trampolines, exotic animals in freedom, a huge yacht parked on the lawn and Lionel Messi that you only pay to take shots on goal in your garden and to take care of Pedro, your 35-year-old adopted son.

Top 10 tips for becoming a drug lord, a job with a future

7. Have pets that deter thieves

In order to best protect your territory, it is essential to choose to adopt threatening pets. Favor hyenas, crocodiles, pumas, tigers and bears, but don’t neglect dogs that are prohibited in certain countries, such as the poodle, once called by the Mongolian tribes “the curly death”.

8. Regularly hose down corrupt cops

Who says illegal activity says precautions with the representatives of the law. In general, governments don’t care if you do something forbidden as long as they get their share of the profits, if watering the police can help you survive for a while, you will especially have to think about giving drugs or money to the leaders. of states or ministers of the country in which you work. Be careful, however, not to get too attached to them, politicians are much less trustworthy than drug traffickers.

Top 10 tips for becoming a drug lord, a job with a future

9. Never (NEVER) drug yourself on your own stock

You have seen the movies scarface, Blow and Jetset 2 ? So you’ve probably learned that taking drugs is bad for your body and your acting in the case of Jetset 2. If it is better never to take drugs to stay alive and hope to die in a shooting or end your days in prison, we advise you to stick to smoke and candies if you really decide to dive into addiction.

10. Betray everyone until you get killed or end up in prison

The end of your career has two possible branches: die killed by your adversaries or the police or be imprisoned and accept a reduced sentence by becoming an indicator for the FBI. In any case do not aim for a long and prosperous career, the profession of drug lord is a way to consume your life quickly like burning down an orphanage during a drunken New Year’s Eve and should not last more than ten years . So enjoy every moment.

Top 10 tips for becoming a drug lord, a job with a future

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