We’re all somebody’s dick. And we are often that of his child. The proof, with these situations where your child largely underestimates your intelligence. This is one more reason to hate children.
1. When you flag him and he says “It’s not me”
He’s got a cake in one hand, an empty box of cakes in the other, chocolate around his mouth, and crumbs flying when he says “It’s not me!” »
He therefore sincerely thinks that you can indeed doubt his responsibility in this story, not draw hasty conclusions and always keep in mind that the truth is not always what we believe. In other words, he really takes you for a big jerk.
2. When you ask him what he did today at school and he says “nothing”
In this specific case, he takes you twice for an idiot: already, he thinks that you are going to believe him and imagine him with his ass screwed on a chair from 9 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. without doing anything. Suddenly, he also thinks that you will be satisfied with this answer, and not harass him in the following minutes to find out what he did, REALLY.
3. When he tells you he’s not hungry anymore
He even has a little stomach ache, “look at Dad, my stomach is all red. The child who takes his parent for an idiot has the particularity of being hungrier and sicker with the sale, then hungry again and more stomach ache a few seconds later, in front of a dessert.
4. When he tells you he doesn’t want to walk anymore because he’s tired
He shouts “the braaaaaaaaaaas” while extending his towards you. It’s all the same crazy, for a little being who is never sleepy, especially not in the evening when he goes to bed, nor on Saturday and Sunday mornings, to be seized with this intense and mysterious fatigue when he 500 meters to walk.
5. When he cries because he fell
Deep down, he knows there is “more fear than harm”. Besides, you know it too. And the craziest thing is that he knows that you know, but he continues to take you for a fool by making you believe that this time it’s serious, while you continue to let yourself be taken for a idiot by running as if it were really serious, proof that ultimately, you are sometimes a little consenting victim.
6. When he tells you he’s just waiting for the end of the cartoon and then he turns off
What he doesn’t say is that he changes channels or cartoons on the tablet a few seconds before the credits, this deceitful, to be able to continue without really lying to you, since indeed he hasn’t seen yet the end.
7. When he is thirsty at bedtime
So there, he really takes you for an idiot, but since he also knows that despite everything you are endowed with a conscience, he is completely sure of his shot: if he asks you for a glass of water, you will go get him one. glass of water, because it’s unbearable for you to imagine your child dehydrating in his sleep until he becomes a little freeze-dried sachet of himself. He won, you bring him his glass of water, moaning like an idiot.
8. When you tell him to go and he says “I’m coming”
Everyone knows very well, him and you in particular, that he has no intention of arriving at all, that it will take about 4 or 5 new departure announcements, and that he throws this word like we throw a crust of bread to an infant to be quiet a little longer.
9. When he offers you an ugly drawing
He knows full well that it is not yet socially accepted to criticize a child’s drawing and even less to refuse it. So he takes advantage of it, torches a poor thing while laughing inwardly, and hands it to you with the look of an angel knowing that you’re going to tenderly ruffle his hair and hang it on the fridge. (The drawing, not the child)
If the drawing is really ugly, it may be able to enter the Hall of Fame of the ugliest children’s drawings in history.
10. When you can’t hear him anymore, you ask him from afar what he’s doing, and he replies “Nothing!”
But yes finally, it’s a trap, a child who does nothing doesn’t say “nothing”, he says “I’m bored”, besides you don’t have to ask him since he pulls you on the pants so that you can find an occupation for him. A child who says he does nothing is extremely bad sign, because in addition to taking you for an idiot, he may be taking the toilet for a Playmobil bathtub.
Come on, it’s fair game after all, you too sometimes take your child for a fool, especially the times when you skip 3 pages of the evening story, or those when you laugh because he put his balaclava on backwards. (must say that there, he is REALLY dumb)