If you have wandered around in a few French villages (or if you live in a village yourself or, more strangely, in all French villages) you have probably noticed that there are certain almost obligatory landmarks, little funny things that are repeated everywhere. Just as there are a lot of assholes in the big cities (there’s no reason that it’s only country people who take) we find in our dear villages common points that we will list here. If your village does not have at least three of these points, you are in Slovenia, in this case enjoy the scenery and have a good old hike.
1. A bakery (usually closed)
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While criss-crossing the French villages, you can come across bakeries that are generally closed or in which, when they are open, there is no more bread since the people of the village place an order six months before, so the baker does not produce more than expected. . And you end up with a pain au raisin instead of a sandwich and it’s good for your face, you damn city dweller.
2. A church
Classic, this religious building frequented by the old on Sundays and behind which the young people of the village meet to smoke cigarettes in secret in the evening is a must in almost all French villages. Unsurprisingly, there are colored stained glass windows and a basket in which one must put money to repair the roof of the parish that the priest will actually slam in the local casino.
3. A PMU bar
The unconditional of all the villages, if there is no PMU in your village you would do well to open one since it is the true place of worship / cooked favorite of the inhabitants. Often crowded, noisy, and filled with comforting alcohol vapors, it is the perfect place to meet colorful people and eat rabbit’s ass terrine, the secret of which is jealously guarded by Dédé, the old local butcher. .
4. A place for school pick-up
There are two scenarios: either the village is large enough to have its own school and even its college, or there is a school pick-up location to bring the students to a neighboring village. And what are we laughing at this place where we arrive 45 minutes before the start of classes to take the bus while the people of the city are still sleeping, don’t know what they’re missing these idiots.
5. A small place called “the big place”
Each village has its main square, which in 50% of cases is called “the main square” or “the place of General De Gaulle” in the other cases. It is right next to the “grand rue” or “rue du Général De Gaulle” which is obviously the main street. It’s literally the place to be on the evening of July 14 to pinch your beehive and eat local products.
6. A hunter or band of hunters
It obviously depends on the time of year, but during the hunting season if you don’t see any hunters, you are probably in a village of hippie bullet holes somewhere in the Larzac. If you come across one, don’t hesitate to point out that you are human and not game and go and see the things not to do during the hunting season so as not to get your ass screwed up.
7. A commemorative plaque
We’re not going to lie to each other, it’s complicated to find a village without a commemorative plaque for people who died for France during the first or second world war. Not necessarily valves to do on it, it would be very inelegant on my part.
8. A freeway slip road or a national road that the villagers won’t allow to be built
“We’ve been yelling for months, even years, to prevent the construction of this damn motorway ramp or this national road which will make noise and pollute the air and the mayor is not going to let himself be trodden on I can guarantee it. Sentence heard at the market in my village.
9. Your choice: a fountain or a stupid statue
A village is decorated, suddenly we do with the means at hand and if at the time a laundry and a German tank were the case the standards have changed a little. We prefer fountains or statues, or, for the wealthy, flower boxes that we change regularly. But it’s boring you have to take care of it and everything, the statue is a must. (Attached is the photo of the statue in the village of Saint-Oignon-Sur-Froute in Lozère).
10. An old man, always posed in slippers in front of his house
He is the mascot of the village, the old man who is always posed in front of his house, summer and winter, and who watches the cars pass in front of his house, cursing everyone. Each time he has a story, an urban legend that characterizes him, like he killed a bear with his bare hands when he was young or it was thanks to him that we won the Second World War. Always one or the other, always a huge bullshit.