The reign of hygiene will finally come to an end. Say goodbye to bacteriological solutions! Death to cotton swabs! Hide this Roger Cavaillès soap from me that I cannot see! You’re wasting a ton of time cleaning things that wouldn’t be any worse if they were still in their original dirt. Besides, it’s scientific.
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According to most scientists, the ears clean themselves. The excess wax is evacuated automatically, especially while eating (yes, this is not necessarily the best time). “The ears, it’s like the ass, it’s washed” therefore joins the cohort of completely stupid consecrated expressions, with “I say that, I say nothing” and “fixed pot never boils”.
As the cat’s tongue is rough, it does the same job as a comb and removes their dead hair. Cats spend 1/3 of their day licking themselves, which is about the time of a human at work. So, dipping your cat in the water is like getting a phone call from your boss while you’re drinking a beer on the terrace.
Let’s recap: moisten the brush, put toothpaste on it, rub your teeth vigorously, rinse the toothbrush and let it dry. When did you think it was useful to clean a brush that only comes in contact with clean stuff? Get out of your house, get some fresh air. Sounds logical, but if you need confirmation…
Levi’s CEO says he never washes his jeans. The objective is above all ecological: it takes 10,000 liters of virtual water to make jeans. If you then put it in the washing machine all the time, you will single-handedly dry up the nearest water table. However, if you find it disgusting, the American start-up Odo has developed jeans with self-cleaning technology.
5. The oven
Pyrolysis is not a god of Olympus, it is a function of your oven. No more genocide of sponges against the brown glass: we start the pyrolysis, which consists of destroying the waste by intensely increasing the heat, and during this time we can read a book, sing karaoke or learn to cartwheel.
Peeling the mushrooms is really useless; washing them drowns out their flavor and ruins their texture. If you are a hygienist, you can always brush over it to remove the tiny bits of soil. If you are pranksters, you can prepare a blanquette with hallucinogenic mushrooms.
7. Italian coffee makers
You should never wash an Italian coffee maker with dishwashing liquid, unless you then want to drink coffee with soap and pieces of metal attacked by detergent. In fact, the internal wear of the metal improves the flavor of the coffee and gives it body. Yes, ok, I’m not a coffee specialist and I couldn’t think of anything better than to say “from the body”, because I didn’t have the exact vocabulary, but anyway we understood each other.
8. The vagina
The vagina has a self-cleaning system. Millions of bacteria work there to maintain a stable acidic environment. Environment completely screwed up by the use of unsuitable soaps. The arrival of massive water in the mucous membranes has more value as a nest for germs. I’m telling you, it’s science. All the more reason obviously not to have sex in the fleet, unless of course you love the delicate itchiness of mycosis.
You don’t go, page by page, dust this Critique of pure reason in German offered by someone you thought was friendly and who hangs out in the library. In fact, if your books are gathering dust, you may not be reading enough. So, it is better not to clean them at all, otherwise you will be judged by the entire academy.