Top 10 things you discovered thanks to your student apartment, la vida loca

YOUHOUUUUUU! You followed our advice and you finally managed to find your student apartment! Joy, happiness, stress falls, and you are about to live the vida loca, in your little (very small) home. We don’t want to screw up the atmosphere, but we still have to warn you… You risk discovering things you didn’t suspect. A new mode of (sur)life apart. Hang in there. You only have 5-6-7 years… What is 7 years in a life, seriously?

1. Sanibroyeur toilets…

The toilets of all dangers. Pee, poo, paper, and that’s it. Nothing more. NOTHING AT ALL. NO HAIR, NO DUST, NO MOP WATER. NOTHING. If, unfortunately, it’s clogged, your only leeway is to pour white vinegar and pray. NO PRODUCT, ESPECIALLY NO SUCTION, AND NEVER DESTOP. A happiness to maintain.

2. The toilets AND the sanibroyeurs shower, for the lucky ones

It’s the same as for the toilets, except that it’s also the shower of all dangers. The opportunity to transform this moment of relaxation into a moment of tension and stress. Objective: not to let a single hair go down the drain. A scrub??? But it’s not okay, right?? Do you want to break the engine with the little grains of your exfoliant? NEVER, UNHAPPY. Water, soap, shampoo and nothing else. Nothing.

3. The 7 floors without elevator

How to save a gym membership while working your butt! Yes yes. I swear. Note that climbing stairs engages the front of your thighs, quadriceps, calves or triceps surae, and glutes to propel you from one step to the next. It’s also great for cardio, and climbing stairs burns 23% more calories than running, 250% more than swimming, and 63% more than cycling. Thank you who? Merciiiii the truffles of richous who especially do not want to cross the maids of the last floor.

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4. Proximity to its neighborhood

Thanks to the finesse of these papier-mâché walls, you will have the chance to live an immersive adventure in the life of your neighbour. You will hear him laugh, cry, breathe, fart, burp, make love, argue, call the CAF, go to the bathroom, sneeze, and sometimes even… blow his nose. An exquisite adventure, which pushes the limits of intimacy beyond bearability. You will learn to live with a stranger, without ever speaking to him. Disturbing. Uplifting. Destabilizing. Unique.

5. Catch the cakes in the kitchen cabinet, without getting out of bed

The inexplicable happiness of having only to stretch out your arm to access your kitchen cabinet, the handle of your front door, the flushing of your toilets and the mixer tap of your shower. Life at your fingertips, happiness at your fingertips, laziness at its peak, and all that… Thanks to your 9 square meters.

6. Eat pasta 3 times a day, 7 days a week

Morning, noon, evening, concretely. A food routine that will allow you to be able to pay your rent without starving, and that will let you explore all the corners of your culinary creativity. Your signature recipe will probably remain the timeless pasta-ketchup-gruyere cheese, but you will find yourself indulging in some originality. Zucchini pasta? Pesto pasta? What about Rosso pesto? What if we tested all the different sauces available in our little Monop? Zé left.

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7. Complete cleaning in 30 minutes

Big max! Like, if you really take the time to clean up the complaints, disinfect every nook and cranny, wipe the joints and tutti quanti! The advantage, when it’s small, is that three strokes of the broom and two round trips of the mop are enough to make it shine.

8. Have your fridge stocked with 3 pots of yogurt and a tube of ketchup

Another point which is explained by the size. Like what, sometimes it matters a little, anyway. It’s scientific. If your fridge is smaller than that of a dinette, bah… It will fill up very quickly. Faster than you thought. Something to reassure your mother who has developed a phobia of the empty fridge… “Don’t worry mum, I bought a pack of 4 Liège caramel, my fridge is full to bursting! I won’t even fit an egg in there. »

9. Living in a “charming” apartment is like living in a rotten apartment

“Ah yesiii-haaaaan. There’s no double glazing-haaaan. The insulation of the roof dates from 1930-haaaaaan. The upholstery is period-haaaaan. There is a hole in the floor that gives a view of the bathroom from below-hannnn. But what do you want hannn? It’s an apartment that has character, simply-han. ” Charming. Really.

Top 10 things you discovered thanks to your student apartment
Picture credits: Topito

10. Play Tetris to extend 3 t-shirts and two panties

After having passed the stage of the cracra laundromat which costs an arm, after having valiantly climbed your seven floors while carrying your bag of wet laundry at arm’s length, comes the stage of the drying rack. Without a doubt the most technical part of the whole process. From here, every corner of your apartment can be thought of as a clothes rack. The shower frame? Go hop, we fuck two blouses on hangers. The radiator ? Perfect for my socks! My chair? It was thought to dry my Jeans or what?? And hop there, quickly, you find yourself living in a super humid apartment-dryer that smells good of laundry. I strongly recommend that you do not cook anything fragrant that day. We stick to the pasta.