Top 10 things that prove it’s August, to stop being wrong

It’s true that sometimes we get lost, there are twelve months in the year and we quickly confuse them, but in order to never make the mistake again we have finally found the unstoppable technique. Only problem, it only works for the month of August, which is boring when it’s January I grant you. I missed things in my life: my marriage, my schooling, a tomato pie last week, but this introduction will probably forever remain my greatest failure.

1. The date on the calendar

Small quick but effective manipulation, we check the date: if it is not marked that we are in September or in March it is that we are in August. Finally no, it could mean that we are in May or November, notice. Okay you know what? Forget the calendar thing, it’s shit and we don’t all have the same one. We move on to the next point.

2. The absence of Christmas decorations in the streets

There are no Christmas decorations in the streets? Don’t look, it’s not October, November, December or January. Yeah because now we leave that shit for a long time, it uses electricity but it’s the magic of Christmas. If you don’t have an advent calendar next to your bed, that’s a good indicator too.

Top 10 things that prove it's august, to stop being wrong

3. Rotten blockbusters at the cinema

There is a choice of a new Jurassic Park or a new film about the universe of Harry Potter ? We may be in August, but you have to be careful because that could also mean that we are in July or June, so all in all it’s not the best indicator. It’s super complicated to know which month it is in real life.

4. Deserted streets in towns north of Lyon and armored streets south of Lyon

If you’re north of Lyon and all the shops are closed, it’s good that it’s August and these bastards from Aout have deserted to go and pile up in the south and drink bouillabaisse on the old port. while walking the streets looking up. These idiots all basically do the same thing.

Top 10 things that prove it's august, to stop being wrong

5. It’s hot and there’s a fire every ten minutes.

The heat is not really an indicator of autivity (a term that I have just invented which means “comes from the month of August”), because with global warming we will have to get used to having 35 minimum degree in January. For the fires that break out every hour, we’ll say that today it’s something specific to summer, but ten years from now maybe it will be a normal thing the rest of the year. The future stinks a bit of the mouth.

6. We are right in the astrological sign of Leo

If every day someone comes to talk to you and piss you off for ten minutes talking only about themselves and their inflated ego you’re probably dealing with a lion, and if their birthday is coming up you’re probably in August. Be careful, however, the sign of the lion starts on July 23, so it is not an exact science. At the same time, talking about astrology and exact science in the same sentence was already risky.

Top 10 things that prove it's august, to stop being wrong

7. You only received one call for the CPF account in three weeks

Even scammers go on vacation, so if your phone hasn’t rung for a whole bunch of sleazy bullshit in two or three weeks, it’s probably August. Or you’re dead, check your pulse anyway if in doubt.

8. You were invited to a birthday party where there are only two people.

Since everyone is going on vacation in August, it is likely that you are at a birthday party where you are alone with the “birthday boy” or the “birthday girl”. What’s annoying is that you can’t really refuse, it’s not like you can throw out an excuse since no one is there. This is so far the best way to know if it’s August, or to know if the person who invites you really has no friends.

Top 10 things that prove it's august, to stop being wrong

9. It’s an unknown guy who presents the news and there are only reruns on TV

If the person presenting the news doesn’t tell you anything and if all the shows you normally watch don’t play and are replaced by strange programs, chances are you’re currently in August. Or in Poland. Yeah, check you’re not in Poland before checking if you’re in August.

10. Even your boss doesn’t jerk one off in the office.

Is your boss currently in shorts on a sofa in your office playing the switch while rejecting the important phone calls he has to manage? Either you work in the government or it’s August or your boss is really negligent in terms of his professional conscience and you better get out of this box.

Top 10 things that prove it's august, to stop being wrong

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