Top 10 teenage sexual fantasies that suck in real life (stop it)

Between the frustration, the porn culture and the buttons, it is not pretty to see at 15 years old. There’s as much libidinous filth in a teenager as there is pus in his pimples.

Fortunately, everything passes, everything fades, even the scars of Roaccutane.

1. Sleep with the English teacher / the philosophy teacher

Everything sucks in this idea. Already because, now that you could get there, the teacher in question is no longer quite to your liking (yes logical because you don’t have the same adult tastes as when you were 15). Then because can you imagine the discomfort when you undress? What if she asked you to recite the irregular verbs during sex? What if she said things in English that you didn’t understand? And if she asked you to eat her jelly ? Everything sucks in this idea.

2. Reproduce positions seen in porn movies in real life

Porn is fun, but it’s not real life. The problem is that when you’re a teenager you think it’s a bit the same in real life and you think you’ll be able to do exactly the same thing. ALERT!!!! Do not do that. You are not a porn actress, nor is your partner, so keep your fantasies warm in your sick mind.

3. Have sex with your friend’s mother or father

Even in American Beauty we see that it sucks (with Kevin Spacey moreover, ouch). Sacrificing a family on the altar of social malaise is more fantasy, it’s masochism. Especially since the mother or father in question is actually a chartered accountant and has no other asset than his status as a friend’s parent. And wear sock clips.

4. Say stupid poetic stuff during sex to make yourself attractive

“You know, your eyes make me think of shooting stars that would leave in the night while the enjoyment invades you transforming you into a wax doll frozen forever in the limbo of the cosmos where my dick…”

A little outfit, what, do you really want to have sex with this person again? Why do you think nobody sells good or bad poetry anymore? Because it pisses everyone off and it sucks and then you’ll get shivers down your spine, you’ll be so ashamed.

5. Spend an entire day having non-stop sex

And we would be so in love, yeah, too much, really, and we would have such an understanding between the bodies, what, that we would make love ALL THE TIME and that in fact it would be a big shitty day where you I wouldn’t have screwed up anything yet, you’d have the sheets smelling of sweat, a smell of schmout in the house, pain in the genitals, never want to make love again but want to puke, intense fatigue and no desire ever again.

Is that what you want ?

6. Squirt the sauce in your sexual partner’s face like they do in the movies.

Overall the quintessential super common and useless fantasy which, when you do it, only generates shame, unease and disgust in you, which is not at all compatible with your true personality since in reality you are not not the big muscular guy you imagine yourself to be but just an uncomfortable guy who feels he has to say sorry when you fuck and then imagine what you have to say when the chick has some of your seed in the veuch.

7. Sleeping with any older guy because he’s older is so classy

He picks you up at the end of high school because he is in L3, him.

Don’t you think it’s weird that a guy in college is okay with the idea of ​​having sex with a 15-year-old girl or boy? Don’t you think that means he can’t find people his own age?

Think carefully before answering, you may have to break a love that you thought was eternal.

8. Sleeping with a very beautiful girl/a very beautiful man just because he/she is beautiful/beautiful when you have nothing to say to him/her

Yes, it’s rewarding for the ego, but in real life, you have to talk a little with people if you hope to have a good time (unless you’re speechless, of course) and feel a minimum of awakening in the other, without which the other loses a lot of its charm despite this beautiful plastic and WE’RE BORED, WHAT WE’RE BORED.

9. Sleeping with his older cousin who is 18 years old

When you have impregnated Thérèse in the hay to find yourself at 14 with a malformed inbred child whom you will have to call Fabrice, we will talk about it again.

10. Film yourself having sex and watch the video afterwards

Scenario 1: The tape is NEVER released on the Internet. You watch it and it makes you feel bad because you look ridiculous when you fuck.

Scenario 2: The tape is NEVER released on the Internet. You watch it and you regret your lost love for the other protagonist of the video, you end up crying while swallowing Granola, you become morbidly obese and you never have sex again.

Scenario 3: the IS tape released on the Internet.

Fantasies are often better when they remain fantasies. For example, the time I slept with an octopus dressed as a leather pig in a dump with dogs watching, it was great disappointing.

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