Top 10 signs you’d be the first to die in a horror movie

Greetings fans of badly lit films accompanied by ambient music composed of plucked string instruments, excessive jumpscares and staining hemoglobin: today is a great day since we are going to give you the signs that indicate that you would be probably the first to die in a horror movie. If you accumulate more than two-thirds of these points, know that you have a good chance of dying today at the slightest movement, so we advise you never to leave your home again in the future.

2. When you hear a fishy noise you go check what it is

There’s a creak in the basement? Something that just fell on the attic floor? The sound of a chainsaw running in the old cabin at the bottom of the garden? If your first reflex is to go and check out what it is, you are absolutely unaware. Besides, you may even be dead already, check your pulse.

3. You have a pronounced tendency to open dusty old grimoires and read their inscriptions aloud.

If when you visit an old library in an uninhabited mansion and upon opening a dusty grimoire with a red pentagram on the cover you begin to read a random page until a 10,000-year-old demon years come to eat you then you should also stop this kind of bullshit activities. What the hell are you doing in this mansion again?

4. You have just bought a small country house erected on an old Indian cemetery

The ad was good, you liked the house, you didn’t necessarily read all the annotations at the bottom of the lease and you were fooled. You always have to find out what you’re buying, a mistake victims of horror movies make and you’re now part of it.

5. A killer is currently raging in your village of two inhabitants and you open the door when it rings

Knowing that the second inhabitant of the village is your cat, you are still a bit of an idiot. Never open the door on a rainy night when an escaped asylum guy is around, that’s common sense. If when you open it you realize that no one is at the door, it’s clearly time to run out, he’s behind you.

6. You like to walk in the forest at night

But what the hell, you can’t walk in the forest during the day? What is this bullshit, are you really surprised to be killed at the slightest opportunity after that? You have never seen the Blair Witch Project ?

7. You decide against all odds to approach this two-meter-long beast that looks like a wolf

There like that you find yourself face to face in front of a huge hairy creature with long teeth like knives which nibbles a human leg in a dark alley and your first instinct is to go and pet it while saying “oh the nice dog” ? Little chance that we will meet you again the next few days, it was nice to know you.

8. You decide to overlook that zombie-like human bite.

You don’t believe in zombies, so you decide to prove it to your group of friends by approaching a small group of people who drool, growl and have multiple wounds on their bodies to let them bite you and prove them wrong. You are just dumb.

9. You decide to pick up this hitchhiker wearing a hockey mask and holding a knife in his hand.

After all you’re right, driving at night is boring, and then this good guy must have stories to tell. As soon as you help him put that 350-pound rolled rug in your trunk, you’re probably going to have a blast with him and his knife. Good idea here.

10. You don’t have a phone at home, no internet access and besides you don’t have electricity

The problem is that it’s super dark, you have no way of contacting the outside world, and you’re bumping into your own furniture. Besides, you don’t even need a killer or monsters to die, you just have to fall down the stairs because of the bad light and no one will come to save you.

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