Top 10 sentences that make a pregnant woman / new mother freak out

Hormones, they have a good back. The so-called female hysteria too… When you’re pregnant or a young mother, there are sentences like that, crazy things that make you freak out in a second. Gentlemen, ladies, young grandmothers, if you could spare them, it would be a little good. Because the emotional lift for months, it tires and it doesn’t even make you lose weight. Ten phrases to avoid, please.

1. “You didn’t take it badly, so you should be careful anyway”

So already one, today we don’t make any more comments on the weight, it’s over, we don’t want to hear about it anymore. Two, yes a pregnant woman gains weight and the reverse would not be normal at all. And when you gave birth you have other things to think about than losing weight. So thank you but the person who told you that deserves your share of insults.

2. “It’s still cool that you’re home all day”

Nay. It’s great to share looooooong moments with your child, that’s okay, but it’s like everything, not too much. Staying home when you’re overactive and you have a thousand projects in your head that you can’t work on, you have to put in place a management strategy to go take a shower and/or defecate within 24 hours – yes , a little glamorous, shit – well no, the house is not cool, after a while, you dream of the life of your boyfriend or your girl who goes to work whistling and who is surprised at you find in ambush behind the door ready to draw the baby when he comes home after having gone to drink a little aperitif without asking any questions. Jackals.

Top 10 sentences that make a pregnant woman / new mother freak out

3. “Here, I’ll give it back to you, I can’t take it anymore”

That’s ugly. At the same time you imply that the young woman in labor happily rolls her thumbs all day, but when she leaves you her offspring for 30 minutes – which incidentally carries your DNA, whether you are the male or a grandparent – ​​don’t worry. can’t anymore, it tires you out and you can’t do your stuff. But neither can the mother, she can’t “do her stuff”, it’s been going on for months and it makes her a little “touchy” around the edges. And then consider yourself varnished, in tribal societies raising a child is everyone’s business, not just the mother who is struggling in her corner while impatiently waiting to go back to work, finally if she has any hope of not to be shelved when it is resumed.

4. “A baby is so blissful!”

It’s a lot of happiness a baby, yes it’s true. Even immeasurable happiness at times – when he sleeps, randomly. But not only, damn it. I rebel. Suddenly, when you tear your hair out alone in your corner to repress your growing annoyance towards the apple of your eye, you feel guilty as a bonus for not feeling only happiness like everyone else because it is well known, it is joy and bliss in all the homes of young parents. Any medal on its reverse, no offense to mothers who play the perfect.

Top 10 sentences that make a pregnant woman / new mother freak out

5. “Do you know Machine? The neighbor of the 8th you met once in 1992? Well, she gave birth two weeks ago, that’s really bad, she’s still hospitalized”

But why ?! But why come and tell horrors to a pregnant woman high on hormones?! She hovers quietly there on her cloud of future primipara, flowers in her mouth, drunk with joy repeating to herself that it’s going to be nothing but happiness, everyone says so, and you come to ruin her shoot by immediately plunging her into the his laywoman’s worst bad trip. Yes, the pregnant woman has no weight – not to be confused with her weight gain – she goes in a fraction of a second from the most total happiness to the desire to hang herself with her compression stockings.

Top 10 sentences that make a pregnant woman / new mother freak out

6. “It’s okay!”

That is the sentence not to say. About no subject. Everything is serious when you are pregnant or a young mother. All. The carton of the PQ roll not discarded. The perm from the next door neighbor – damn a perm in 2011 without messing around? A cracking button. A lost pin. Everything, I tell you.

7. “So when’s the second?”

Am I asking you if you’re planning your social suicide? If you plan to chain yourself to an anvil and throw yourself into the Seine? If you plan to inject yourself with pesticides? No, so don’t ask stupid questions, you can see that I’m already having trouble finishing the first one, I’m not going to start a second one, I’m lucid again, thank you.

Top 10 sentences that make a pregnant woman / new mother freak out
Picture credits: Topito

8. “You’re not 10 minutes away!”

After childbirth, the most precious commodity is time. So if you tell me that you finish your game of Among us before taking over for me to take my shower, knowing that the baby octopus miraculously lets go of me for a few seconds while babbling, I say to you: “No fucking way! “There is urgency, all the time. Emergency I tell you. 10 minutes of postpartum respite = a nulliparous spa. No more no less.

9. “What does he/she look like his/her father!”

Even if it’s his spitting image, you shut up. We don’t bother carrying a baby for 9 months so that he looks like his father. Even if it looks like an adoptive mother, we lie and say “But what does he look like to you, it’s crazy!” “, once of course that we have made sure that it is not the neighbour’s baby, otherwise we lose all credibility.

10. “How beautiful were you before!”

Here is the sentence that it is constructive and delicate. Ben listen no soucy I go for a jump in the past to look for my body before, I put it on and I come back. We don’t want to be devastating half-pug half-hag furies. But you have to help us a little too…

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