You’re a year old, or even two if you’re a big one, and you already think you’re the king of the world, the master of the nursery, the hero of the snack. You think the sandbox is your home, because you proved your bravery by swallowing a big handful of sand, all without choking. And you know that over there, in that big cat litter, there are rules to follow.
1. Thou shalt not throw sand in the eyes of other babies
Even if it’s an attack of the most powerful Pokemon, you can’t use it as a weapon against other babies who would try to steal your place or steal your snack. Because sand in the eyes hurts a lot, it’s the ancestor of the tear gas canister, and you can surely go to jail for that. And prison for children under 3 is no joke, I tell you.
2. You shall not eat the sand at your feet
Because it’s actually not good. Even if at the time, it seems really tempting to you, in relation to the fact that it crisps, it’s not sugar, and it gets stuck between your teeth. No honestly believe me, the sand is really overrated.
3. You shall not touch used syringes
You will quickly notice that in your sandbox, there are not only small pebbles. Street junkies love to bury their disgusting old syringe, telling themselves that if you can’t see them, they’re not there. So in fact it is. And getting AIDS or hepatitis at your age is really nerd.
4. Thou shalt not let all the babies near
Don’t forget: you are the king/queen. You have to defend your land, even if it means playing it like in an episode of Game of Thrones. This is your home, you’re not going to welcome all the babies in the world, even less those who aren’t even crazy about blowing their noses on their own.
5. You’ll scream if we want you out
Don’t let your parents decide for you, who do they think they are? Already they force you to take baths and they prevent you from eating the cat, it’s not also to decide for you what you can do or not. Scream at the top of your lungs if they dare to remove you from this paradise, and roll on the ground, it adds credibility to the drama.
6. Whether it’s windy, whether it’s raining, whether it’s snowing, you’ll do anything to get there
You don’t care about the weather, you’re not a frog. If you want to go there, go there. It’s not three drops or two flakes that will stop you from doing what you want, you’re not a sugar baby, you’re not going to melt if you’re wet. Rebellion!
7. Thou shalt not leave the bounded area
Yeah because the sandbox is cool, but what’s around it is hot. There are even babies who say they’ve seen rocks bigger than a pigeon’s egg, don’t risk that, you’re too young to die.
8. Reserves in your diaper you will make
You don’t have pockets to carry sand at home? It’s okay, you have an extra large diaper, and barely wet. Anyway it scratches you already, so it’s not a little sand that’s going to piss off.
9. Your shovels and buckets, you will lend
Since you dominate the under 2 world, you have to be magnanimous with your subjects, otherwise you can be sure that they will mount a mutiny against you. And that, as a good leader, you know it’s hot to manage. Lend your things a little, it will only make them more obedient.
10. Animal droppings, you will not eat
In addition to used syringes, you can also find other no less tasty treasures, such as good big dog poop, or even cat poop. But I tell you before you try to eat them: it’s not good. And it stinks. And from a nutritional point of view, it’s not the best. Put that poop down please.
And you, were you the king of the sandbox when you were little? Do you have any other commandments to share with us? Without wanting to command you, eh, relax.