Top 10 reflexes you have now that you are a parent

When you become a parent, there is a before and after in your life. Before, you had fairly basic life reflexes, like raising the toilet bowl if you’re a guy, or changing the cat’s litter box when it stinks too much. Now that you have an heir, it’s a little different.

1. You watch every promotion for phi serum

Every time you go to the pharmacy, you buy pipettes of phy serum in packs of 10, because hey, you can never have too many, especially in case of a baby cold. It also works for diaper promotions, you become a real trader.

2. You no longer leave little things on the ground that he could potentially swallow

Like bread crumbs, your hair clips, grains from the cat litter, little dust bunnies… All of these little things could end up in your kid’s throat, and he could choke, which is still quite annoying. So you become a pro in ground scanning, wherever you are.

Top 10 reflexes you have now that you are a parent

3. You watch out for pot handles

An accident happened so quickly. Imagine the scene: you’re cooking a soup or a steak, and the handle sticks out of the counter. You’re somewhere else, your kid walks into the room, sees the handle sticking out, hoists himself up on tiptoe grabs him and boom: go to the emergency room.

4. You are always ready to take pictures

Your finger is grafted to your phone, ready to press in burst mode to immortalize your toddler standing alone or eating mashed carrots. You have about 673 photos saved over the last 6 months, and they are all of him (except one or two of your cat).

5. You smell her ass with every suspicious smell

As soon as you smell an odor approximating a big fat poo or a manhole cover, you stick your nose to his buttocks, hoping it’s just a fart, because you just got on red nail polish and you don’t want to change her diaper. Spoiler: it’s rarely “just a fart”.

Top 10 reflexes you have now that you are a parent

6. You don’t leave an outdoor place without being certain that the cuddly toy is still there

A trip to the park? Coffee with friends? Are you bringing him home from daycare? First reflex: check that the cuddly toy is still with your offspring, under penalty of interstellar drama, and obligation to retype you all the way in reverse to recover it urgently.

7. You buy the famous cuddly toy in several copies

If, unfortunately, the cuddly toy is absent because he preferred to take off without telling anyone, you absolutely must have his evil twin in a safe place (such as a safe), in order to be able to replace style of nothing, neither seen nor known.

8. You always have a spare pacifier in your bag.

In the event of a crisis in the middle of the supermarket, the pacifier can save you a lot of rolling on the floor and uncontrollable crying. Always having a spare in your bag is a matter of survival, never forget that.

Top 10 reflexes you have now that you are a parent

9. You wash your hands all the time

To avoid giving him shit, or to avoid getting his gastro, happily brought back from the crèche. By dint of washing them 57 times a day, the skin on your hands will start to dry out and look like sandpaper, but at least you won’t be spending the night with your head in the toilet bowl. You have to make choices in life.

Top 10 reflexes you have now that you are a parent

10. You look at other people’s children

That’s really a parent thing. With each pushchair you meet in the street, you systematically watch the kid in it, without necessarily knowing the reason. Is it to see if he looks like the parents who accompany him? Is it to try to guess his age? Is it to see if it’s as cute as yours? The mystery is whole, we will never really know.

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