Alright, that’s it, you’re pregnant. Welcome to the club. Everybody’s hitting you on the system now. Either you are asked the future sex of the divine child, or you are asked the first name you have chosen, or all at the same time. Except that you don’t really want to share all that, for several reasons.
1. Because it will make Josiane talk about accounting
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Apart from your mother-in-law, if there’s one who’s waiting for that to criticize you, it’s her. Tell him the first name of your choice, to see. Ready? Do you feel them, ringing ears? We remind you that corporate murder is not allowed.
2. Because it brings bad luck
Oh, isn’t that bad luck? Well, I say yes. Because as long as you don’t hold your freshly unmolded little cork in your arms, don’t attract the evil eye and all that bullshit with your bla-bla. Keep it all to yourself.
3. Because it will make grandpa talk
You had the misfortune to tell your grandpa that you liked the name Lucien for your little boy in the making. There, Grandpa tells you a story like: “I knew a Lucien during the Indochina war. He was a good guy, this Lucien. Poor guy, he jumped on a mine and ended up with one leg and the bullet hole missing. A brave fellow, this Lucien. I wonder if he’s still alive. Say no more, Pepe.
4. Because it will confuse you
By dint of hearing the opinions of each other, you no longer know which first name to choose for your kid. You’ll end up calling him Bernard and everyone will see blurry. It’s infuriating, in the end.
5. Because you don’t know yourself
In fact, you made a list of names that you like. Long, the list. So you’ve decided that you’ll choose your little one’s first name when he’s here. And at worst if you can’t decide, you can add all your choices in additional first names when you declare it to the Civil Registry. It seems that we can choose 8, it’s ok you have the margin.
6. Because you like to keep the suspense going
Since you’re pregnant, you enjoy being the center of attention, we’re not going to lie to each other, you’re not doing it to me. A piece of advice, take advantage of it, it won’t last. What interests those around you is not you, but what’s in your belly, don’t forget that. But as you like to talk about yourself, you let doubt hang over the choice of first name for as long as possible. There are no small pleasures.
7. Because you have really shitty taste and you don’t want anyone to change your mind.
You dream of naming your daughter Scholastique. Yes yes, it is a first name that exists. But as you know in advance that a shower of remarks will fall on you and your shitty choice, you refrain from saying it. Matter of mental survival.
8. Because you got used to his nickname
As soon as you saw at the first ultrasound the little bean jumping around in your uterus, you called it “Gizmo”. Or “Shrimp”. Or “Pupuce”. Hard to find a real first name that must be registered with the Civil Registry after all this time.
9. Because the choice is yours, the parents
Well yes, after all, it’s still you, the parents, who decide, huh. And those to whom the choice of the first name will not please will close their mouths in front of the fait accompli. Promised. Unless that first name is Hugo.
10. Because you’re actually not really pregnant
You’ve just been binging pints of beer lately. So you didn’t dare to contradict the people who said “congratulations” to you when they saw your plump belly, and you’re waiting for the right moment to tell them that in fact it was just a gas. Or else… wouldn’t you think you’re not pregnant when in fact you’re pregnant precisely because you’re denying your pregnancy?