Oooooh! Oh dear ! Oh no ! Oh we would have to… Oh we would have to go… Oh we would have to go, go, go brush our teeth, we would have to, but how tired, no, how tired, yet we would have to oh…
Do not panic. Don’t brush your teeth, no one will tell you anything. Sleep, child, sleep. Sleep in the land of cavities.
1. Because the lazy
Bah yes, what the laziness. If it turns out, you’re going to die a sudden death during the night, so why bother brushing your teeth before you go to sleep? Why would you inflict something very annoying on yourself just before going to sleep, a sleep that will perhaps, probably even be your last? Why ? Don’t be rushed, little father.
2. Because at least when you have cavities you’ll have someone to talk to
Your dad doesn’t talk to you anymore, your mom doesn’t talk to you anymore, your siblings don’t talk to you anymore, your friends don’t talk to you anymore, your ex-wife doesn’t talk to you anymore, and even your dog doesn’t talk to you anymore. Loneliness has heavy sides, you have to admit. When you’re full of cavities, you can share your impressions of the latest TV shows with them, and that’s still a chance.
3. Because you’ll be happier brushing your teeth tomorrow morning.
However, sometimes, a very very beautiful you will have it is better than two yours. If you brush your teeth there, you will derive no pleasure from it, any more than you will derive pleasure from repeating the operation when you wake up; whereas if you don’t brush your teeth, your breath will be so mephitic tomorrow that brushing your teeth will have an unequaled, unprecedented, perfect flavor. A moment of ecstasy for a daily activity: the dream.
4. Because there’s no more toothpaste anyway
Or, for that matter, a toothbrush. Nor for that matter a sink. Not everything is in the Matrix, no, since there is no money either, in the Matrix, which perhaps explains this absence of toothpaste, toothbrush and sink, as well than the absence of work and oral hygiene.
5. Because no one will ever know
“It will be our little secret!” you can whisper to your pillow, which doesn’t have the means to tell you that he hates you, that you stink, and that your breath is the worst thing he’s seen since a Holocaust documentary.
6. Because it will give you the opportunity to go to the dentist often, and you like going to the dentist
The dentist’s chairs are comfortable, we listen to good music in their waiting room; in addition, you love the cutter, which makes a noise similar to that of the chainsaw and, you have always been passionate about chainsaws. And then there are the magazines of 1997, a distant time whose memory brings you back to happy times when you were not empowered to decide whether you were going to brush your teeth or not since you had parents for that.
7. Because you are against fluoride
You also founded the very first collective to fight against fluorine, which has no less than 5 members, including only one who is active and 4 who only exist in your head.
8. Because in the movies, you never see them brushing their teeth and they don’t have a problem.
James Bond, he brushes his teeth, perhaps? What about Fred Astaire? And Harry Potter? And Frodo? And Darth Vader, does he brush his teeth? And Lino Ventura? And Michel Serrault? All the greatest men have passed on brushing their teeth and it has never hurt them, so why should you adhere to a practice that lowers you to the rank of mere mortal when you could be a movie star ?
9. Because you’re not going to pee either.
If you had to get up to pee, it would have been different; Even if it means pissing while sitting down, you could have grabbed the toothbrush and a bit of toothpaste to proceed nonchalantly to the appropriate rapidou brushing and thus give you a clear conscience. But since you made the decision to hold back all night so as not to face the cold, it’s a safe bet that the urge to brush your teeth is hardly greater than the urge to pee and that you don’t give in to it. Good night with strong breath.
10. Because you have no teeth
Since it’s been 10 years since every night you give up brushing your teeth out of laziness, you don’t have any more teeth; what some would take for a blow is actually luck: whoever says “more teeth” says “no need to brush your teeth”, says “no need to get up to brush your teeth”, says “faster in bed” says “better sleep”, says “better mood”, says “good comrade”, says “friendship, love, return of the loved one, professional success and penis enlargement”.