As we advance in our role as parents, we sometimes give up certain markers of our life before. So ok, we have temporarily given up on the idea of partying every night but what really pisses us off is realizing that in reality our little toddler has already beaten us to the post for a long time. Proof by 10.
1. He is the origin of the night of java
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Even if, in reality, there is nothing like a nice party ball party, it is clear that from the second or third night after birth, the infant is already at the heart of a concept of festivity that looks more like hell to you. And all young parents remember this terrible night of java…
2. After vomiting, he picks up where he left off.
Well yes, us stupid adults, after throwing up, you’ll still find us a little groggy rolled up in a ball in the sofa then crawling to the bathroom to splash a little water on our faces and get wet. brushing teeth. Your child usually vomits from the back of the car, neatly into his bucket (by force, he’s used to it). When he’s finished, he hands you the container in exchange for the packet of crisps he gave you the time to relieve yourself, and digs into life to the fullest again. We can’t really decide whether we are absolutely disgusted by this scene or in total admiration.
3. He talks nonsense without even being drunk
And we’re not just talking about babies and their legendary babbling. Anyone who’s ever tried to talk to an overexcited kid after school at the end of the day knows what we mean. It goes all over the place, words are missing and the grammar leaves something to be desired, not to mention the very interest of what he says. In short, what any of us would do after at least 3 pints, he does it effortlessly. Hat.
4. Even after an almost sleepless night, he will be on the job at 6 a.m.
We all fell into the trap one day: oh, given the time he fell asleep last night that one (after many stories, going to the toilet, asking for a glass of water, etc.) there’s a way that we manage to sleep in tomorrow. WHAT NO! Where do they draw this incredible energy when we now need the whole weekend to recover from Madeleine’s farewell party from the payroll service organized last Thursday at 5:30 p.m.?
5. Baby, he was connected to the 24-hour all-you-can-eat buffet via the umbilical cord
We imagine these students in medicine or business school playing smart with their beer funnel: igloo igloo igloo igloo! But guys, you didn’t invent anything, all babies already do this in their mother’s womb before they even step outside. So we’re going to give you some advice to avoid an alcoholic coma, go back to revise your lessons in your room. What ? There’s no reason we’re the only suckers stuck at home tonight!
6. He is completely uninhibited while fasting
How long does it take for a sober adult to approach someone on a night out? For the more adventurous among us, say half an hour? A life, for the most timid? We don’t give your child 5 minutes to instinctively move towards his short-legged congeners. It’s a trick they developed between individuals of their species to facilitate relationships. And they don’t bother with trivial information like the name of the person they played with for hours. No, they are above that we tell you.
7. He started walking with the staggering, unsteady step of a drunk (but still fasting)
You don’t realize the letting go that it takes to let your body sway in all directions, bump into each other, get up, land on your buttocks, without making a big fuss about it. And without wanting to repeat ourselves, they do it with just milk as an aperitif. We are on the verge of campaigning for formula milk brands to mention in their advertisements: to consume in moderation.
8. He always has someone to take him home at the end of the night.
And that’s clearly one of his biggest advantages over you. Already because a priori, it is you who will have to bring him home. And even that you will read him a story so that he falls asleep and that you will give him 3 kisses and 5 hugs. How many of us can boast of having such nice friends to handle the after party? Nothing to do with those cardboard pals who brag about having held their drinking buddy’s hair above the toilet bowl.
9. He can scream all night long without breaking his voice the next day.
The post-party hoarse voice is a bit like hickeys, there’s a very small period when you’re proud of it and when you think you’re cool. Followed by the rest of your life where you realize it’s still not glorious. Special mention to our darling infants who are therefore able to go high in the decibels and in the treble all night long without this affecting the quality of their cries during the day. And yet, what would we like, that they too end up voiceless after their crazy nights of java (spoiler: of course not, that would make us downright anxious).
10. He will always end up naked at some point during the evening
Whether it’s a baby whose diaper has been changed or a 5-year-old kid who thinks his pants are too bulky, the youngest of our cherubim have this annoying habit of finding themselves naked for a yes or a for a no. And it’s true that we sometimes envy the naturalness with which they indulge in so much relaxation. Cap d’Agde better watch out…
Yes, we understand your jealousy in front of your kid, this big clubber who doesn’t even show off. But before drowning your sorrows in an alcohol you can’t take anymore, remember that you too were a child and that we’re sure of it, the biggest partygoer at the time was you.