The musical is a genre apart. A genre where the characters can start singing for any reason, from trivial (because they blew a hole in their jeans, they need to buy more coffee, their package is misplaced) to serious ( because mom is dead, dad is in debt, ballet flats are back in fashion). It’s a joyous catch-all, a mix of theater and music, which can give rise to brilliant shows, such as The Lion King Where We Will Rock You, as well as monstrous exhibitions straight out of the demon’s imagination. It’s obviously this second category that I’m going to talk to you about today with shows whose idea would have done better to stay at the idea stage (and still).
1. Bernadette of Lourdes
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In 2019, we were treated to the most amazing news: a musical devoted to Bernadette Soubirous (a woman who became a saint because she claimed to have seen the Virgin Mary) was about to see the light of day. You will tell me, we did have a musical devoted to Moses, so why not Bernadette, but hey Bernadette she slams a little less prestige level. In short, the trick was indeed created, composed by our national Gregory (poor of us) and represented in Lourdes, place of pilgrimage for Catholics. No no, you’re not hallucinating, it’s serious. It’s even produced by Gad Elmaleh and it should go on an international tour in the next few years. Bernadette Superstar.
2. “Silence!”, a musical adapted from “Silence of the Lambs”
Thesilenceofthelambs is certainly an incredible film, but you still have to be really weird to imagine an adaptation with song and dance. We but you see Hannibal starting to push the song do you? Nope ? Well watch the excerpts below.
3. “Human Centipede: The Musical” (Original title: “Human Centipede: The Musical”)
One of the filthiest movies in history – telling the story of a German mad scientist who wanted to create a human centipede – has indeed been adapted into a musical. And you know what ? You can even see it on YouTube. Well, it’s a parody musical, but we would never have imagined one day seeing this disturbing film adapted on stage.
4. “Me and my dick” (Original title: “Me and my dick”)
I think the official description of the musical stands on its own so I’ll give it to you without further ado: “Me and My Cock is a coming-of-age tale about a ‘boy with a very special relationship with his best friend…his cock!’ Together they face the trials of growth, love, sex and high school, but these two best friends are ready for the adventure of a lifetime. » It makes you want to admit?
5. “Spongebob Squarepants” (Original title: “SpongeBob SquarePants”)
Yup, the best cartoon of our childhood was also entitled to an adaptation on the boards in 2016. And not just any boards, since the show was created for Broadway, just that. And you know who composed a song for the musical (before unfortunately passing away)? David Bowie. Just that. Because yes, Bowie was a fan of SpongeBob, which confirms to us that Bowie was truly a wonderful person.
6. “Moose Murders” (original title: Moose Murders)
“Broadway” does not always rhyme with “quality” (well yes, a little, but it’s an image), and Moose Murders, who was only entitled to one official performance before stopping, is proof of this. A 1983 New York Times article on the show called it one of the worst Broadway musicals ever, telling us that it features a drug-addicted character who wants to sleep with his mother, a girl who tap-dances when told that her father has become a quadriplegic, and a quadriplegic – precisely – who kicks a man dressed as a moose. The journalist who wrote the article had such an unpleasant time that he compares seeing this musical to having survived the sinking of the Titanic. Strangely, it makes us want to see it.
7. “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark”
If the subject is not far-fetched in itself (after all, Peter Parker deserves all the possible types of adaptations), this musical comedy remains one of the biggest failures of Broadway. The thing cost 75 million dollars to produce, with technical means galore and music composed by Bono and The Edge of U2, and all that money was used only to create an unnamed dung. Already, there were a lot of injuries during the creation of the thing, based on stuntmen who broke their necks because we forgot to attach their harnesses, and the result was apparently incredibly bad. It simply flopped, and the producers were never able to make the money they invested profitable. At the same time, 75 million for a musical? They are sick guys.
8. “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Coming Out of Their Shells” (original title: “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Coming Out of Their Shells”)
Bunch of lucky guys, the whole show is on YouTube. You will therefore be able to appreciate this show of a quality equivalent to the opening of an oyster.
9. “Yapadala, the legend of the country without A”
Come on, for a change, we’re going back to France with a little musical with limited influence since it only took place in the village hall of Villenoy, a commune in Seine-et-Marne of 5,000 inhabitants. There, it is rather the concept that is weird, since Yapadala (or “There’s no A there”, for the finest minds) is a show in which we do not find the letter “A”. Completely crazy.
10. Vin Diesel dreams of doing a Fast and Furious musical
We end with hope. The hope of one day seeing Vin Diesel achieve his dream of creating a musical Fast and Furious. Imagine for two seconds Dominic Toretto and Brian O’Conner singing “I’m the one who’s going to be the oldest” in urban settings, accompanied by big electric guitars? Simply the dream.