Top 10 of the relous that you inevitably meet when you are pregnant

You’ll see it pretty quickly if you’re pregnant, the fact of having an apparent belly makes you enter a kind of public domain of assholes of all kinds. The bigger your belly, the more we’ll piss you off, that’s how it is, we don’t stop the suckers.

1. Those who touch your belly without asking you

Like in the bus, in the metro, at the butcher’s, in the street… They see you, smile at you while looking at your stomach, and say “can I? » already having his hand on your belly, without even waiting for your answer. But touch your balls, damn it.

Top 10 of the relous that you inevitably meet when you are pregnant
Picture credits: Topito

2. Those who speak to you as if they were staying

“So is he warm little baby?” “, “She does not want to share your mom with you, eh little baby”. He won’t answer you bitch, get out of my way.

3. Those who ask hyper-intimate questions

You’re at a party, you don’t know all the people present, and especially not this guy, let’s call him Patrick, who comes to see you asking you if you plan to breastfeed at birth, and if you’re going to give birth with or without an epidural . But tell me Patrick, could you interfere with your ass? We didn’t raise guinea pigs together as far as I know.

Top 10 of the relous that you inevitably meet when you are pregnant
Picture credits: Topito

4. Those who imagine the design scene

They ask you the presumed date of birth, and once the answer is given, you see them smile stupidly, their eyes sparkling, and there you know, YOU KNOW that they did a quick calculation in their heads to find out the date of design and they are imagining the scene. Bunch of big disgusting.

5. Those who already predict his character based on his future astrological sign

“Haha, it’s scheduled for January, good luck with his character as it’s going to be a Capricorn!” » No, but shut up Josiane, really, shut it up please.

6. Those who want to guess the future gender of your baby based on the shape of your belly

You’re at the pharmacy, you’re quietly queuing up to pick up your anti-hemorrhoid cream (thanks to pregnancy, huh), and the one waiting just before you turns around and tells you that you’re necessarily expecting a boy, with such a low belly . Bah it is missed Madam, it is a girl. At the same time, you only had a one in two chance of failing, the risk wasn’t that big.

7. Those who give you three billion tips when you didn’t ask for anything

Damn, you just wanted to buy a pépouze baguette at the bakery, except that in addition to coming out with your bread, you also got all the advice you could from your baker, who even told you that having sex on a full moon night was going to speed up the delivery, that’s what she did with her husband and it worked. Nobody needed to hear that, nobody, ever.

8. Those who treat you like a fragile little thing

“Oh no, don’t get up, I’m going for you”, “Do you want to take my arm to go up the stairs?” “Do you need help showering?” No, but that’s okay, pregnancy isn’t a disease either, thank you, but oust.

9. Those who mystify you

As soon as you are pregnant and you announce it officially, you are no longer just a woman, you are a future mother, a Madonna, limit a goddess. You are going to give birth, and you are put on a pedestal which you would have done without, because obviously you no longer have the right to have your personality, you are no longer anything but a “future mother who must know stand”.

10. Those who experience your pregnancy by proxy

They ask you for pictures of your belly, they love to see your ultrasounds, they know exactly your estimated due date, they even offer to take you to your appointments with your midwife and attend the childbirth preparation course. You don’t know why but they’re fascinated, when they didn’t even make this child out of you.

Top 10 of the relous that you inevitably meet when you are pregnant

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