Top 10 of the biggest pains when you are a parent

It’s no secret that once you become a parent, your life switches to the dark side of the force in the blink of an eye and you taste sleep and spontaneity about as much as Aymeric Caron tastes steak. tartar. But the advantage, as you progress in this environment as hostile as it is fascinating, is that you learn to identify what pain really is…

1. The classic: walking on a fuck*ng pointy thing on the ground

The most painful thing in these cases is that you would just like to be able to insult the whole earth, let off steam at least verbally in a vain attempt to atone for evil, but you can’t because your children are present at the scene and you don’t. you’re not ready to explain to them yet that Tonnerre de Brest and Moule à gaufres aren’t the first expressions that crossed your mind (well after that, we think it’s good to say bad words in front of your children eh).

Top 10 of the biggest pains when you are a parent

2. Getting hit all the time

Very prominent elbows in the stomach because you were taken for a low table on which to lean OKLM. Having your hair pulled, your face crushed, your earrings pulled… But you suffer in silence thinking of all the compromising photos of this person that you are collecting and that you will circulate when the time comes (in general in adolescence).

3. That we snub your gift

This cute dress you fell for in the store when you’re usually more into second-hand, but there it was too cute, you couldn’t resist. Do you believe that the girl, this ungrateful little girl, refuses to wear it at the same time as she sets her sights on an old pink fleece that you had picked up who knows where?

4. The punchline you didn’t see coming

“But mom, why are you still in your pajamas, always?” “. Ok it is 4:37 p.m. and the question is legitimate even if it is Saturday. But you are still on the verge of asking her why she has a filthy drawing of the profile of a disgusting pig on her panties with the writing “Peppe Pig”. Especially since it’s not as if you hadn’t served her breakfast, turned on the TV (did we tell you about that weird pig, still in profile?), that you hadn’t dressed her, re-fed her, that you I hadn’t read him 2 or 3 stories before nap, followed by a hug and a snack, while putting together a slew of IKEA furniture for his much more stylish bedroom than yours.

I’m in pajamas, darling, because that’s the only thing that attests to my inalienable right to be on weekends. And now Mom is going to teach you how to make a mojito.

Top 10 of the biggest pains when you are a parent

5. The rejection of one of the two parents

“Constantin, my darling, are you coming to put on your coat? – No, it’s mum who puts my coat on! »

Yes because it still happens more often to the father than to the mother to take a big wind. So the mother sympathizes, of course. Although, let’s be honest, she also thinks that after all she’s been through, she deserves some consideration. Except that she would really like him to go for a walk with her father while she hangs out quietly – yes, in her pajamas – on the sofa. Come on, dads, cheers up, it’s just a phase.

6. Walking on a fucking thing on the ground (bis)… but at night

But mashed (it’s not the word you really have in mind), where do these little stupid things come from? In addition to not being able to shout all the names of birds that come to mind, you are also condemned to silence since screaming at death would wake up your children and that would be the worst thing. So slowly, in the deafening calm of the night, beautiful tears of blood will be seen sliding down your cheek. Go, go, tomorrow you will think about putting on your slippers before entering.

7. Seeing your sick child

Witnessing the suffering of his offspring without being able to do anything is still one of the worst things in the world. On the other hand, it must be recognized that when they are knocked out and we put them to bed in two twos without even reading a story, at 7:30 p.m. sharp, we are on the verge of popping the champagne and the fireworks. Better than the Bains Douches, the improvised evening at home! And no need to feel guilty, it quickly picks up the hair of the beast, these little creatures.

Top 10 of the biggest pains when you are a parent
Picture credits: Topito

8. Make you vomit on it

Yes, because the sick child has his range of more or less appetizing adventures with an always keen sense of timing. Imagine yourself on the weekend (at your parents’ house, don’t mess around), with the sun you hope to take advantage of to relax a little in the garden. Sure, you’ve thought of 14 alternate outfits for your son, but the thought of even adding an extra T-shirt for yourself hasn’t crossed your mind for a second. And it is therefore precisely this moment that your little treasure chooses to turn into a geyser. No one has ever felt as alone as you at this moment. Except maybe Anne Hidalgo in the first round of the 2022 presidential elections.

9. Get displayed by the mistress

School principal, crèche director, childcare assistant… From the moment your child sets foot in the crèche or at school, you fall into the strange world of early childhood where you are spoken to you too with patience and benevolence… So it’s an understatement to say that we like being argued with moderately because our 2 and a half year old child had a 20 cent coin in his locker and that, you understand, for babies in first year, it can be dangerous if they open your daughter’s locker (well, we’d love for him to touch her diaper, wouldn’t we?). In truth, you’re especially relieved that it didn’t happen the day she had a lighter in her pocket…

10. Be fully aware of your masochism

Even after this list of suffering that we endure because of them, we still love them very much. Even when we have finally managed to lull the kids who have exhausted us all day, we watch photos and videos of them until 1am knowing that we will pay for it the next day. Wouldn’t we have like a little Stockholm syndrome?

Related Posts

error: Content is protected !!