Think you’re a master of security because you’ve put a broom against your door to alert you in case someone tries to get in? Bah will have to do better than that my little friends, because clearly here we are talking about places that are so well guarded and protected that your ass hair would be burned by lasers before you even approach two kilometers. So I’m going to tell you about the most secure places in the world, those where you need more than a badge and a garage key to enter.
1. The Federal Reserve of the United States
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Contrary to popular belief, this one is not in the United States but in Roubaix. No kidding, it’s in Washington. You can find there roughly (the cousin of Quasimodo mdr) 25% of the gold of the world, so as much to tell you that to have the authorization to enter there you have to be someone super important like the head of the army or Julien Courbet. The safe room is 50 meters below sea level and is guarded by agents armed with very powerful guns.
2. The “Granite Mountain Records Vault”
Run by the Mormons, this “church” houses the largest collection of genealogical records in the world. There is also a lot of historical information and in all it is more than three billion pages of family archives that are stored there. If you want to know if your stepfather is actually your father, this is the place to go. But to enter this building which is inside a granite mountain you will have to hang on: movement and temperature sensors as well as an army of ninja Mormons trained since the age of five to break pebbles with their skulls. It’s very scary.
You may know the expression “You enter as easily as in Fort Nox here” which means that in fact you enter not at all easily, unlike a mill where obviously you enter as you want since another expression said. Anyway, located in Kentucky, the country of grilled chicken, Fort Knox is where part of the gold reserve of the United States is stored. As much to tell you that the guard over there is not a narcoleptic penguin. If however you wanted to get in to pee you would have to pass through a 22 ton blast door, granite walls, alarms, minefields, cameras and a super tough karaoke test.
4. Bold Lane
Unlike the other previous places where you store precious things like gold, this one is a parking lot (yes, no kidding). Located in England, this is the most secure car park in the world. And in terms of security, we’re not kidding: entry system with special barcode tickets synchronized with your location, motion sensors under each car, nearly 190 surveillance cameras, an exit locking system and Ronald, a paunchy fifty-year-old former champion boxing in the parking lot ready to knock you out if you scratch a Peugeot 107 inside.
5. Area 51
“There’s nothing to see in Area 51, now clear where I’m unleashing the alien dogs.” It is with these words that we were summoned to clear when we showed up in front of the entrance with the editorial team. This military base located in Nevada is extremely well guarded since guards even patrol the surrounding mountains on all-terrain scooters. Regarding the base itself, there are motion sensors, heavily armed soldiers and posters of Alain Finkielkraut stuck all over the area to scare away the most daring intruders.
6. Iron Mountain
This former mine houses a complex of several million square meters deep underground. There are largely guarded chests whose identity is unknown to nearly 95% of the owners (but we know for example that the Smithsonian firm, Warner Brothers have some). Original photos (like that of Einstein biting his tongue), negatives, film and inventions are stored there. There is also “Room 48” in which backup servers house the data of some of the largest American companies. Just at the entrance there are two rows of armed guards ready to search you down to the bullet hole. Clearly, don’t mess around there.
7. Cheyenne Mountain Base
This United State Air Force base located in Colorado is home to many US government organizations. Built during the Cold War, it is here that all the events related to air defense (NORAD) take place as well as the famous annual contest for the best couscous. To enter you will have to pass armored blast doors weighing nearly 25 tons that can withstand a nuclear attack and descend more than 600 meters below the ground in granite corridors while avoiding water polo balls launched very hard in direction of your genitals.
8. ADX Florence Prison
Located in Colorado, this prison is where many of the most dangerous prisoners in the United States are held. Nicknamed “the Alcatraz of the Rockies”, there are guard and attack dogs, laser motion sensors, a wall topped with barbed wire, remote-controlled metal doors, weight sensors, numerous cameras and lava trenches around the canteen. One of the former guards described the place as “a cleaner version of hell.”
9. The Vatican Secret Archives
Already to access the Vatican you have to hang on, but to hope to see the secret archives is even hotter. It contains the most important religious documents and books in history such as the BEP carpentry diploma of Jesus as well as a collection of autographed photos of all the Popes in history. Only the Pope and a few Church figures can go there, making it one of the most mysterious and secret places in the world. To enter it you will already have to manage to enter the Vatican, find where the archive room is and then win an octagon without rules against a very venerable cardinal.
10. Federal Bank of New York
You must know the expression “Hey you can’t shit on the floor, it’s not the Federal Bank of New York here”. Thanks to this expression we can easily guess two things: the floors there must be rather dirty and people have a propensity to address everyone quite frighteningly these days. This bank is so secure that many countries store their gold there, making it the largest reserve in the world ahead of Fort Knox. It is also robots who are in charge of moving the ingots since they are much more reliable than humans.