The EPS, only good memories, endless tours of land in the rain to train for college cross, an unavoidable ordeal. Or even acrogym, a marvelous sport where we had to stack our changing teenage bodies in ridiculously awkward positions, really pure happiness. But I’m exaggerating, if of course physical education can be a source of trauma for some people, it’s still a good way to spend time between two lectures.
1. The frequency of your period
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And we have often been accused of lying? NEVER, O GREAT NEVER. It just so happened that our bodies tended to change every week as the pisto class approached. We never liked this story of the footbath.
2. The rising and falling
You never liked Martin and Stephanie. Because Martin and Stéphanie were super good at sports. In all sports. And on the ascending descending ones, they never descended. And when they happened to meet your gaze when you were 12 defeats in a row, they made you feel their superiority with an embarrassing little smile.
3. The worst smells
Yes there is worse than sport. There are sports clothes. And when those same sports clothes have been worn by 12 different people before you… So we confirm that the sports bibs, still full of sweat from the previous class, are indeed an invention of the Evil One.
4. Make the teams
Among the small humiliations of adolescence, the choice of a PE team will always figure prominently. Because when you are not chosen among the first, when the gazes are lowered within the “unchosen” hoping by fixing his feet that your name is pronounced to free you from the nullos, the time seems very very long.
5. Things you’re too young to have known
No, it’s a myth, a truth that we must explode: sports teachers NEVER do sports. We’re just dealing with people who like to be in tracksuits. And come to think of it, making other people run and jump while doing nothing yourself sounds like the best job in the world.
6. Handstand at the gym
Ok that was complicated. And so when it came time to keep that pear tree, you crashed like an old flan. Besides, you still have a piece of broken tooth that reminds you of it. Nightmare that gym class.
7. Your stamina level
No matter how much you explain that it’s not your fault, that you’re going all out, that no you don’t feel the adrenaline, and that running isn’t part of your genes, the teacher insists. But the clock doesn’t lie: running doesn’t come naturally to you.
8. The high jump, and also the long jump
Playing sports is often instinctive. But when you have to get your puny little body 4 inches off the ground, you try to be imaginative. It won’t save you.
No, it’s not gymnastics, your teacher keeps telling you that all the time. But for you the result will be the same: a bitter failure (see point 6)
10. Types of PE teachers
Not all teachers are created equal. You have already dealt with number 3, you loved number 2 who liked you. You’ve never seen the 1 before. But legend has it that it exists. We know what we think of legends…
And above all, don’t forget to take a shower, if only out of respect for the poor teacher who will have you after you and who will smell your sweaty teenagers.