It’s hard to stay a strong and sane person, when you’re always brought back to vice… You’re there, wanting to be a good person, taking care of yourself, your body, your morale, to your balance,… But you always have an asshole to tell you that you’re weird. Anyway, it’s always the same, when we are better than the others, we are criticized. Here is a non-exhaustive top of what we do well, but which annoys others. If you recognize yourself, we respect you. Strong.
1. Do not drink alcohol
” WHAT ?!!! BUT HOW DO YOU DO TO HAVE FUN IN THE EVENING??? Scoop: I’m enjoying it. I sing. I dance. I laugh with my friends. Better, I take videos of them snatched dancing naked on a table; and I use it to make them sing (you don’t really have to do that in real life, huh). So who’s having the most fun after all?
2. Do not smoke
“Go pause clooooooopes”. And you, you stay there, like an idiot in front of your computer. While your colleagues create lots of new memories without you. It’s hard. Really hard. I swear, we sympathize. We were just talking about it, just now, during the cigarette break, just before this incredible laughter there. Damn, best memory. You know, that’s when Tim said that… Oh no, sorry, you weren’t there.
However, on the scale of priorities to survive, it is at the top of the ranking. I swear, if you can’t sleep, in two weeks, you won’t be here to tell us about it. In 11 days and 25 minutes to be precise. Unless you manage to beat this stupid record, held since 1964 by the American Randy Garner. SO FUCK STOP BREAK MY BALLS WHEN I REFUSE TO GO OUT TO SLEEP. Sorry, I’m getting carried away. I must be tired.
In the same vein as sleep, rare are the friends who understand that you prefer to spend a sleepless night logging your exam, rather than drinking cannons. In general, they are the kings of guilt. “But go yyyy, we only have one life”, “you will not see your youth pass if you work all the time”, or even “if you don’t go out today, you will never go out”. Thanks guys. But if I don’t graduate today, I never will either.
5. Be nice
You just want to help, be helpful and considerate. Because you’re like that, a sweet little angel. But in the eyes of your friends: you’re “too good, too dumb”. And we make fun of you every time you give a room to a homeless person, that you pass your course to the one who dries up every 3 mornings, or that you give your ex a second chance. Whereas deep down… No actually, your friends are right. We don’t take back a fucking ex!!! Note: In the eyes of your teachers, your boss or your colleagues: you’re just a fucking ass-licker.
Dictionary definition: use your money sparingly. Definition according to your friends: to be a big soulless rat, ready to eat pasta and drink water at the bar every day, to save your money “just in case”. They are not completely wrong. But at least, if one day something bad happens to you, you’re ready.
7. Not inviting family members to their wedding
” WHAT ? YOU DIDN’T INVITE GREAT AUNT DEDE??? She must be so unhappy. ” Thanks Mom. But I don’t care if Aunt Dédé is unhappy: I’ve never seen her! Ditto for all those cousins, girls of a friend or half-brother of the cousin of the hairdresser. At Topito, we support you. Don’t invite people you don’t like to your wedding: it’s to avoid turning the best day of your life into a bath of hypocrisy. And then, what strength you have! Carry on your shoulders the guilt of not having invited all these people, of having made so many people unhappy, for the rest of your life… We wouldn’t like to be in your place.
8. Be quiet
You are there, quiet in your little world. You don’t talk, you go about your little life without pissing anyone off. Calm, calm, in tune with yourself, happy in your bubble. BUT NO, THAT’S TOO ASK. There must be some asshole to tell you that you are associable. Sad. Timid. Or weird. But DAMN I JUST CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE TALKING. SO I SAY NOTHING. FOR MY WELL-BEING AS FOR YOURS. YOU UNDERSTAND ?
9. Drop your phone
Well yeah, sometimes it’s good to forget it a little. To do something else. Drink a beer. Play ping pong. Stuff that relaxes you. And yes, it sometimes happens that you don’t want to respond to a message right away. To tell yourself that we will do it later. And to forget. To skip calling his mother back. His grandmother. Or worse: his girl. Either way, it doesn’t matter. But don’t be surprised if no one loves you anymore.
10. Be proud of yourself
All your life you are told “you can be proud of yourself” when you achieve a goal. But when you admit to being proud of yourself, then you become a fucking pretentious full of himself. Isn’t there a little jealousy behind all this? Me in any case, I am very proud to work at Topito. (See the passage on asslickers, a little higher.)
So, are you a little angel who does everything well, or a demon who tries to drag your friends down with you? Personally, I’m going to go get one to prepare my lungs for tonight’s party!