Top 10 good reasons not to go skiing with your children, why so much hatred?

Don’t be too envious of your friends who are going to celebrate Christmas with their family in “Courche’” and “Val Tho’”. Because you have to be mad or a masochist to go to the mountains in winter with children.

1. They can’t walk in ski boots.

We neither. As a result, going to catch up with them because they have just wallowed in the stairs without wallowing there in our turn, is already a red lead in itself.

Top 10 good reasons not to go skiing with your children, why so much hatred?

2. We have to bang on carrying their poles and their skis.

Two sticks and two skis per child in addition to yours, it’s something to make you want to have a cute little one-legged one with whom we make salt dough, instead.

3. They are constipated.

The altitude blocks their transit. Which unlocks like magic at the top of the chairlift, so that you have more than 12 minutes max to find an overpriced high-altitude restaurant to go to the basement (in ski boots, of course), push a little with them to help them.

4. Apartments are tiny

You have to be completely sick to leave a small three-room apartment in Paris and spend 1,000 euros for a one-room apartment where everyone sleeps together, and where once you’ve put the chairs around the table, you can’t go piss anymore. or look for his cell phone charger.

5. They always lose a glove, a neck warmer, their lipstick, their glasses or their lift pass.

We thought we had hit rock bottom in the fall, bordering on hysteria at the end of the 9th lost balaclava, but no, it was actually good times. In the loc in the mountains, they always manage to lose one of the innumerable accessories essential to the practice of this torture called skiing. And losing so many things in 17m2 is quite a feat, for once.

Top 10 good reasons not to go skiing with your children, why so much hatred?

6. They fart a lot.

Blame it on the altitude, too. Their fault if we don’t sleep at night, regularly woken up with a start by the gases of the whole family, each in turn, confined to this ridiculous space with brown carpeting on the floor.

7. They always have a runny nose.

It’s practical, when it comes to -10 degrees taking off our mittens, getting them stuck in our teeth, taking off the backpack to find the packet of tissues, not being able to find it because we no longer feel our fingers, to hear “NOSE QUIUUUUUUUUUUUUULE”, to end up saying “Yes it’s good, it happens”, to drop the mittens, in fact, to take off his mask to reach his nose, to have to remove the helmet too, suddenly, and to leave 12 minutes later with wet mittens.

8. They only have to pee when we finally manage to put their jumpsuit and all the mess on them.

In their defense, knowing that it took us about 45 minutes, that’s a reasonable amount of time to get a full bladder.

9. They cry on their way to ski lessons.

Suddenly they have the runny nose even more, and it starts like that again for 12 minutes, every quarter of an hour or so.

10. It’s total ruin.

To live through all this shit, they had to sell a kidney. Having a shitty vacation is something you deserve. And now, for the next three months, it’s raclette for everyone, but without cheese or charcuterie.

And then as of course the kids are going to break something on the slopes on the last day, when they’ve gained a bit of confidence, the parents are going to be so happy that this holiday from hell is over, but they won’t admit it never and will tell you that it was “giant” and that they “rejoiced”. Know that they are lying to you. And what to say that we don’t like skiing, it’s still taboo. But that will come soon, and you will be able to say that you were pioneers in this area.

Want one less hassle? So check out our selection of the best sites to book your ski holiday.

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