We do not judge the quality of a work on the number of people who bought it, if 300 people buy my book “Ten techniques for eating only kibble for cats” I doubt that 300 will appreciate it. In the cinema, it’s the same, some films have been destroyed by critics, but have still managed to generate a lot of money at the box office or in broadcasting rights, and it is these films that we’ll talk right away. Not necessarily beautiful cinema, but cinema that works unlike the least profitable films in history.
1. Transformers: Age of Extinction
Already there were a bunch of bullshit films with robot cars and we felt we had done the trick, that’s why they gave us robot dinosaurs instead. It didn’t take much for the critics to literally urinate on the film and despite all that, it won over a billion dollars.
What would have convinced the critics: If we had turned the thing into an auteur film with robot dinosaurs going to the shrink, like In therapy but with transformers.
2. Batman VS Superman
Seriously, there was nothing to save this movie, it was bad, bad, bad. The script was crap and even the actors didn’t seem convinced, luckily there was the last twenty minutes to salvage all that a bit. But the movie made over $872 million so why bother doing something good.
What would have convinced the critics: If the movie had been a political thing, after all if Batman and Superman stopped beating each other up because their respective mothers were named Martha, why can’t Vladimir Putin and Vladimir Zelensky do the same? There is a track. I’m not saying she’s good.
3. Sex and the city
Ending a series with a movie isn’t necessarily a bad idea, provided the series doesn’t already have a REAL END. Because there, it was clearly only to make money and the critics saw it. Well the maneuver was successful since the film brought in a nice 418 million dollars. Not dumb these producers.
What would have convinced the critics: Not to make the movie. No kidding, there was nothing to save, it completely negated the end of the series.
Concretely there was no hope that this film wins positive reviews, as a reminder there is a scene where a guy who took two one-hour flying lessons on a small plane manages to fly a Boeing in the middle of turns which are collapsing. I have nothing to add on the credibility of this work which nevertheless brought in 791 million dollars at the box office. Surprised they didn’t dare to do the sequel, 2013.
What would have convinced the critics: A script wouldn’t have hurt anyone. No, because the action scenes are fun, but without a story, it’s quickly boring.
It’s no secret that the film “Signs” received violent criticism when it was released, such as “you can’t see the aliens” and “they die when you water them”. Ok. But a rather interesting analysis of the film shows that in reality it is not the aliens who are the aggressors, but the humans, since each time there is a scene with them they only seem to be defending themselves. Despite the reviews, it made $408 million at the box office, that’s not gross.
What would have convinced the critics: To replace aliens with super pissed birds and call it Swans. A kind of tribute to Hitchcock that they love the critics.
6. Alice in Wonderland
Yeah, we’re talking about the weird Tim Burton movie that was more dispensable than taking a bathing suit to the ski slopes. But it takes something for everyone, you will tell me, so it probably passes for the public despite generally quite bad reviews on the production and the slightly creepy acting of Depp. The film hit the billion mark at the box office so there was logically a sequel.
What would have convinced the critics: Patrick Bosso as the Mad Hatter, this guy knows how to play it all and you don’t use him, stupid producers of my two.
Do you remember the first movie Suicide Squad ? If so, you probably don’t want to talk about it, that’s normal. Even though the movie got ripped off by the critics, it made $167 million and considering the thing it was it couldn’t have been better.
What would have convinced the critics: Already stop lying to people by letting them believe that we are going to see the Joker and then leave the directors the possibility of making the film they want. Yeah I yell.
What’s worse is that it started pretty well, then the second part of the film is as unexpected and pleasant as a rectal examination in the cafeteria at the office and that the critics did not fail to point out (with different words) despite the 629 million at the box office.
What would have convinced the critics: Complex. Maybe taking the action to the Middle Ages, it would have been original and critics like period films like visitors.
9. Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge
We’re not going to lie to each other, the fifth film in a saga is rarely the best. That of the saga of pirates version Disney received the worst reviews of all the shutters and despite that it brought in 794 million, which is frankly enormous.
What would have convinced the critics: Doing it with fucking cowboys, it’s not complicated to revive the thing we do a little Caribbean Cowboys and hop, the public is surprised.
10. Twilight: Revelation
How can you come up with such disgusting special effects? Concretely, if the script is also rotten (I remind you that the second guy who wants to nab Bella fucks his daughter who is aging faster than an apple in the sun) you have to upgrade with the action scenes, but not even there . It’s all crap all the time and it got destroyed by critics despite grossing 712 million at the box office.
What would have convinced the critics: Cast another actress in place of Kirsten Stewart who never seems to know whether to keep her mouth open or shut when she’s not speaking. Damn make a decision, Kirsten.