Do you remember the first round of the Presidential 2022? Wow, those were the good old days. There was still the left, we still had hope, Pécresse still believed he could repay his campaign… But since then, everything has changed. Apart from Macron and Le Pen who are still in the running, the others have had to reinvent themselves and find a new path. I tell you here their fates.
1. Jean Lassalle
After his historic score of 3%, Jean became a mediator at the poison control center in Toulouse. He now serves as an interpreter for patients who have ingested excessive doses of alcohol. He is now nicknamed “the man who whispered in the ears of drunkards”. A destiny all found for the one who fell into a vat of red wine when he was little.
2. Anne Hidalgo
After narrowly escaping drowning following the sinking of the PS – taking Olivier Faure’s place in a lifeboat – Anne set off to circumnavigate the world on a Vélib’, never exceeding 30 km/h. She is currently stuck at Porte de Clignancourt behind a Gifi truck.
3. Valerie Pécresse
Completely ruined, Valérie fled her creditors to try a career in Hollywood. Spotted by Martin Scorsese, she is currently playing a cast iron truss in the upcoming Spiderman. It’s never too late to shine.
4. Eric Zemmour
Dismissed from political life for having described Marine Le Pen as an Islamo-leftist, Eric decided to take up chess. Unfortunately for him, having got rid of all the black pieces, he gets bored.
5. Jean-Luc Melenchon
Jean-Luc’s hologram has integrated the “Stars 80” troupe between the holograms of Cookie Dingler, Claude François and Elie Kakou.
The real Jean-Luc, meanwhile, spends his days training his foal Adrien Quatennens in oratorical jousting, boxing and bridge. He intends to make a hero out of him.
6. Nathalie Arthaud
The one who had, in any case, not planned to devote her time to the presidential function, now leads an orchestra in Montreuil. An orchestra composed entirely of saxophones which only performs The international, only on May 1st. The rest of the time, Nathalie maintains an online lifestyle blog.
7. Philippe Poutou
Quickly reconverted into urban music, Philippe is at his 14th Rap Contender won in a row. He is now practicing English to become the first “Trotskyist Eminem”. It’s all the harm we wish him.
8. Yannick Jadot
Only two causes matter to Yannick: ecology and Italian cuisine. Having failed to advance the first, he joined the Andrea Boccelli School of Pizzaïolos in Quimper. He is currently developing his new creation there, the 12 season pizza, a culinary work to denounce climate inaction. Like what we can reconcile his fights.
9. Fabien Roussel
After 10 great years traveling the roads of France in his motorhome, Fabien Roussel was found lifeless one morning in July, a skewer stuck in his abdomen and a chipolata stuck in each nostril. After analyzing the sausages used by the killer, the investigators went back to François Langier, known as “Franck Persil” or “Francky le Boucher”, a very controversial figure from Poitou. The hours of interrogations got the better of Franck, who ended up admitting to having always hated the haircut of the former communist candidate. Funny era.
10. Nicolas Dupont-Aignan
A long introspection will have enabled Nicolas to swap his conspiratorial outfit for that of a market salesman. We can now see him, microphone in hand, promoting induction stoves in several towns in Provence. Questioned by a colleague, he would have declared with sobriety: ” I’m fine “. Always so uninteresting this guy.