If it is not in my nature to categorize people stupidly, a sad thing happened to me this morning: I had no more coffee. So I went to the nearest store to buy some before realizing that it was closed for annual holidays in August. It was enough to redefine my vision of the world (generally it takes me quite a bit) and to accept this sad fact: there are two types of people in the world, good people and those who go on vacation. in August. So I’m going to prove it to you right away with supported and totally admissible arguments.
1. Because they let others run the country without caring about the harm they do
From the first of August everything that is not south of Lyon empties and becomes dead, gray and dull like the upside down world in Stranger Things, all because of them. They are the Vecna of our country. Except in Brittany, since the Bretons are much too chauvinistic they go on vacation to Brittany 15 minutes from home.
2. Because they’re screwing up our economy, and I love our economy, it’s cool
Do you want to know why everything is going wrong in this country? Why does a jar of mustard cost the price of a Tesla car? Why are there shortages all over the place and to refuel you must now be accompanied by a notary? Because of the Aoutiens who are going to get their ass tanned on the southern beaches, exactly.
3. Because they all crowd into the same places in the south of France to drink spritzes
Gnagnagna I’m going to my grandmother’s house in Corsica, it’s great, gnagnagna we’re going to the Arcachon basin to buy 100 grams of nougat at the market for 200€, gnagnagna we’re going to struggle to park next to the beach, dying of heat and not finding a place to sit down so we’re going to play Uno in our rental where we can turn on the air conditioning super loud and pollute like crappies.
4. Because we have to work twice as much for their looks
When 95% of your company goes on vacation the same day and leaves three employees to do the same amount of work as normal, we can say that it’s a little taste of hell. But that they don’t give a damn, they are quiet doing stories on the beach to show that their life is better than yours. Which is true by the way, but that’s not a reason.
5. Because all the shops north of Lyon are closed
You need to buy food but you live in Troyes? You absolutely have to go to the pharmacy but you live in Lille? Do you have a very urgent need to get a patch for your bike tire at all costs but you live in Lens? Did you cut your arm trying to open a can of tuna and have to go to the emergency room in Colmar? It’s dead. You will have to wait until September because everything is closed due to those August bullet holes.
6. Because they like to get pumped up by southerners
And at the same time the southerners are quiet at home and all of a sudden a whole bunch of idiots arrive and prevent them from living their lives quietly. They talk loudly, pollute, take all the best seats on the terrace and shit in the sea, and then people from the north arrive and want to do the same thing as them? super abused
7. Because they are much less reasoned than the Julyists
The Julyists leave for less time, with fewer people, they respect the places where they go, the speed limits, the economy of small local producers and when they leave they always plant a tree after having made a generous donation to the orphanage from the city. The Aoutiens throw their cigarette butts out of their car window and abandon their pets on motorway service areas. Real crap.
8. Because they don’t care about our planet
To agree to get stuck in traffic while leaving the engine running, to cook petrol barbecues, to take a plane for a ten-minute trip and to rent a boat, you really have to be a fucking aoutian. The Juilletists are nature-loving hikers and walkers who rescue broken-legged marmots and put out fires to help, without needing to post it as an Insta story to get a boost.
9. Because they don’t clean the toilets after they’ve been there
Statistically, there are 70% of dirty toilets after a user visit in August in tourist places. Is this a coincidence? I do not believe. Do you have any way of verifying the authenticity of this information? No more than that of the existence of Jesus I’m afraid, but that does not prevent people from believing in it.
10. Because Sauron, Voldemort, Vecna, Palpatine and Yann Moix are Aoutians
Sauron always left in the second half of August for the Luberon, Voldemort was for Ariège for the August 15th weekend, Vecna liked to visit a small watchmaking village in the Provençal countryside at the very beginning of August (he hit the crossover with the Julyists, that idiot), Palpatine was Saint-Tropez in the last week of August and Yann Moix damn I don’t even want to talk about it.
