Hi guys, how are you today? We’re fine, there’s plenty of series to watch, the return of hot chocolates and the raclette season has finally arrived and above all it’s time for the champions of the week. As you know, we’re talking here about the most stupid miscellaneous facts that we find in part thanks to @adjustitle who does an admirable job of peeling the press (but literally, he reads the articles with a vegetable peeler) so we send him all our love.
1. Texas: Man shoots armadillo, bullet backfires
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Topito’s analysis: What is this mania for shooting at everything that moves too, it’s well done for his little face if you want my opinion, it will perhaps make him want to go out with a gun or to tackle the armadillos which are super cute.
2. Perpignan: judged for speeding, a marabout claims to be possessed by the spirit of Schumacher
Topito’s analysis: It was a good attempt, except that to be possessed by Schumacher’s spirit, Schumacher would have had to be dead. Incidentally, the marabout in question was returning from the Spanish border where he had bought lots of weed, so the excuse is all the less well found when you are just having a go-fast.
3. Grenoble: They try to steal the little tourist train
Topito’s analysis: Before throwing the stone at them, frankly, who has never thought of it? Me when I see a tourist train in a city I really want to drive it and I admit I have already thought about breaking the laws to live directly in this little shitty train.
4. Without a license or insurance, he drove with three goats tied up in his car
Topito’s analysis: Driving without a license is a huge, super dangerous bullshit, let’s be clear, but this information becomes completely secondary: what were goats tied up in your trunk doing???
5. World Cup 2022: Qatar has planned areas to sober up drunk supporters
Topito’s analysis: Since the beginning we shit on this world cup, a stupid news more or less it won’t make the difference, but if we more we can’t even sober up in his big air-conditioned stadium I don’t see the point of go over there.
6. Unusual: Annoyed at being taken for gardeners, the police leave 3,000 cannabis plants… in front of the police station
Topito’s analysis: Apparently it’s “irritating” to be mistaken for a gardener, to the point of leaving drugs lying around in the middle of the street. Which makes me wonder what gardeners would leave lying around if they were annoyed at being mistaken for cops.
7. Allergic to his own orgasms, he gives up all sex with his girlfriend
Topito’s analysis: Nah, I don’t even want to mess around. I learned today about the existence of this type of allergy and it scares me horribly. Courage to the main interested parties and all my love.
8. Out of gas, he gets on the tram with his scooter and asks the driver to be “nice”
Topito’s analysis: It’s true that tram drivers are rarely accommodating, the other time I wanted to go home quiet with my collection of grand pianos and they didn’t even let me in the bastards.
9. Oise: Police find more than 14,000 euros… in the cat’s litter
Topito’s analysis: And at the same time if you think about it, it’s still a really bad place to store your money. It stinks of piss and shit, but it’s probably not the first place burglars will look.
10. Arrested near Vannes prison, his tennis balls were filled with cannabis
Topito’s analysis: Trying to fit tennis balls full of weed into a prison is quite original. If there is a series on the news, we could call it “Prison Break” (do you have it?).
Wishing you a good weekend, see you next week!