Top 10 dumbest news stories, champions of the week #395

Hello my clams, after two weeks of absence in August, here I am again at the head of the champions of the week. QuentinD took care to tell you about my stay and today he is back in the footsteps of his ancestor in Andalusia, the famous inventor of the door stopper, in order to learn more about his origins. Either way, it’s time for champions, those miscellaneous facts that we find in part thanks to @adjustedtitle, someone we embrace warmly.

2. He wanted to measure his penis: a 15-year-old boy operated on after inserting a USB cable into his urethra

Topito’s analysis: It is typically because of this kind of behavior that we will soon find on the packaging of USB cables “do not plug into the urethra”. In addition there’s no centimeter graduation on a cable, it’s completely stupid.

3. Formula 1: Ferrari forgets a tire for Carlos Sainz’s car

Topito’s analysis: One of the biggest teams in the world and a very stupid mistake that has tarnished its reputation… Well, at the same time, the effort has to come from both sides, the driver could well finish the race with three wheels.

At the Dutch Grand Prix, Ferrari once again chained the dumplings during the race, penalizing Carlos Sainz and Charles Leclerc in the process.

Posted by The HuffPost on Sunday, September 4, 2022

4. He sends a picture of his penis to everyone on the plane, the pilot threatens to turn around

Topito’s analysis: Visibly offended by the photo, the pilot did not find the joke in good taste at all and he was right. Afterwards it wasn’t the right solution either to punish the rest of the passengers a second time, they hadn’t asked anything of them.

5. Lille: Treated as “cod”, Ms. Poisson attacks in defamation

Topito’s analysis: Honestly, how can we try to react to this kind of information? Life sometimes has a funny way of playing with the absurd. All my thoughts go to Madame Poisson of course.

6. A chimpanzee escapes from a Ukrainian zoo, then bikes back in a yellow raincoat

Topito’s analysis: Handsome chimpanzee: stealing a bike was already pretty badass, but the yellow raincoat there was really a big middle finger to the people who keep him captive. Little insurgent Breton side, I like it a lot.

7. After his boat sinks, a Brazilian survives eleven days in his fish freezer

Topito’s analysis: Can you imagine spending eleven days lost at sea? Now can you imagine spending eleven days at sea in a freezer? Now can you imagine spending eleven days at sea in a fish freezer? I can go on like this for hours but I don’t think you can imagine.

8. A Briton is woken up by the police and comes face to face with Boris Johnson in his living room

Topito’s analysis: Without kidding, the guy is already having the worst awakening of his life since the cops arrive like that at his house without warning, but in addition he comes across Boris Johnson quiet in his living room eating his chocapics, I would have mounted him in looks like the personal Boris.

9. In the face of drought, a mayor issues an order ordering the rain to fall and it’s “non-negotiable”

Topito’s analysis: What surprises me the most is not so much that a mayor can imagine that a decree will force the rain to fall, no, the most surprising thing is that people have elected a mayor who thinks that a decree will force the rain to fall.

10. A resident asks the state council for redress because of the stinky toilets

Topito’s analysis: The title may be misleading but basically it’s a resident who wants repairs because his house has lost value because of public toilets installed next door. And that can be understood, not many real estate advertisements are a hit when it says “beautiful view of the toilets” in the description.

See you next week bandits, take care of yourself and your loved ones, and don’t eat too many madeleines it’s going to suck.

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