Top 10 dumbest news stories, champions of the week #394

Hello company. Second week in a row where I replace Timbo at short notice, still on the loose. Don’t worry, he’s fine, he sent me a video of him making a reproduction of Mont Saint-Michel with chicken bones. Everyone has their vacation, let’s not judge it too much, especially since this week’s Champions are of an incredible level. You can judge them to your heart’s content.

2. He had to make a raft trip on the Loire between Tours and Nantes, he had to be rescued after 10 km

Topito’s analysis : It’s official, we haven’t found the descendant of Christopher Columbus, no need to do a genetic test.

3. A patient with a shell in his rectum wreaks havoc in a hospital

Topito’s analysis : The guy had hundreds of phallic-shaped objects to choose from, but instead he decided to insert an explosive device capable of knocking out a house. Never underestimate humans.

4. Val-de-Marne: a man seriously injured with a knife after trying to extort pensioners

Topito’s analysis : On the scale of shame, “being planted by a grandma” is even higher than “dropping your tray in the canteen”. We can say that it is well done for his face.

5. In the middle of a petanque game, two hooded individuals arrive and steal the jack

Topito’s analysis : I have always been a fervent defender of the abolition of the death penalty, but sometimes certain news items shake the rampart of my certainties. This is part of it.

6. He rows more than 60 km in a giant pumpkin grown in his garden

Topito’s analysis : While you’re here, slumped on your couch, people are doing great things. Move a little actually.

7. She receives almost 7 million euros after a mistake from a cryptocurrency platform

Topito’s analysis : The word “luck” was invented for this person. This is obviously false, it would date from the 12th century and would be derived from the verb choir (to fall), in relation to the dice which fall randomly. We learn things here.

8. Two Air France pilots fight mid-flight, the crew must intervene

Topito’s analysis : When you travel with a low cost company, you only have zero problems based on overtaxed baggage, whereas with Air France you have the right to real stylish problems. We get what we deserve.

9. He wins over a billion euros in the lottery, but does not come to pocket his prize

Topito’s analysis : Well he’s stupid. What do you want me to tell you after a while? A billion is too good. With that you can buy like… a super big house (really big huh). Personally I would have gone there.

10. This Canadian’s jewelry is made from semen, breast milk and animal ashes

Topito’s analysis : If you still don’t know what to get me next Christmas, know that I don’t wear jewelry, so please avoid that, thank you.

Come on, have a nice Sunday and while waiting for next week, I recommend the teubés of the week, it’s still so funny.

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