Hi my pastry bags, how did you sleep? Me not too badly, well not especially more than that but I didn’t have too many ideas to start this edition of the champions of the week, this unmissable meeting of the most stupid miscellaneous facts that we find each week thanks to the help from @adjusted, someone who reads the press and returns it well. Come on, we don’t stay any longer on this exploded intro and we move on.
1. Finistère: four volunteers injured during a menhir lift
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Topito’s analysis: Already reading the words “menhir lifting” and “volunteer” in the same sentence is unexpected, but in addition if you can hurt yourself doing that it’s frankly not the best occupation of the weekend you can imagine. What an enigmatic people the Bretons.
2. General brawl on a cruise ship after a threesome
Topito’s analysis: Too bad, the evening was off to a good start to get to know each other and then there were inevitably people who felt aggrieved at not being invited to the “we get naked” session. A screwed up cruise is never very cool.
3. Tour de France: he celebrates his victory too soon and comes second
Topito’s analysis: Always make sure you’ve finished something before you start bragging, it’s not a complicated concept. Too much pride and lo and behold, he was robbed of the victory because he was too busy talking about it. Even LaFontaine wouldn’t write such a stupid thing.
4. Montpellier. Drugs and weapons: an unsuspected grandmother from Marels supervised the traffic
Topito’s analysis: I can assure you that it was better not to offend the drug-trafficking granny and she still had the best cover imaginable to be at the head of such an empire for the simple and good reason that one can never be wary enough of old.
5. Wearing a wedding dress, an alligator married the mayor of a Mexican town in a traditional ceremony
Topito’s analysis: The title is misleading, it’s rather the mayor of a Mexican town who married a poor alligator who hadn’t asked for anything. Must say that we are already not so developed on the issue of consent between humans, so with animals there is still a long way to go.
6. Woman stuck with $3,700 bill after her date refused to pay for the 23 family members she brought back
Topito’s analysis: Who brings so many people back on a date? Who do this ? Frankly it’s even more scary it’s completely creepy. That being said, we can applaud the nerve to ask the date to pay the bill, that was well done.
7. A 72-year-old man becomes the first person in the world to have a whistling penis.
Topito’s analysis: It’s always cool to be the first in something. Well no, I have a lot of counter-examples now that I think about it, like being the first to die of shit in a river boat. But there, it’s a rather incredible physical prowess, can’t wait to hear his first album.
8. She receives anonymous letters from her garden gnome who disappeared almost two years ago: “We would like him to come home”
Topito’s analysis: It’s always hard to see the children leave the nest, whether real, imaginary or simple garden gnomes. A touching and emotional human story that should be adapted to the cinema in the coming years without a doubt.
9. Victim of a stab wound to the chest, he orders a half
Topito’s analysis: Some people have a sense of priorities. A stab in the chest, okay, that can be deadly, but now that we’re at the bar, we might as well throw a little one before going to the emergency room, we won’t have come for nothing. Nice mentality.
10. Dummy bomb near a church in the Oise: “After I finished my beers, I was bored”
Topito’s analysis: It’s true that it’s always a bit tricky to find techniques to kill boredom. Playing sudoku, reading a book, watching a series, doing a creative hobby, making a fake bomb and hiding it next to a church in the Oise… We quickly got the hang of it.
Come on, have a nice Sunday and while waiting for next week, I recommend the teubés of the week, it’s still so funny.