Top 10 dumbest news stories, champions of the week #383

Hello my slippers how are you? I’m fine, but what the hell is it hot, it’s getting hard to sweat so much without drying out. But let’s forget this bad news for a moment and let’s go together to the champions of the week, these improbable miscellaneous facts that we find every week with the help of @adjustedtitle, thank you friend you are very urban.

1. Ukrainian deputies exiled on the Côte d’Azur dig their swimming pool with dynamite without authorization

Topito’s analysis: Basically, it’s not so much that it’s Ukrainian MPs that matters, it’s that now you need permits to dig pools with dynamite, you’re really not free of anything in this country.

2. In Sweden, “sensual” bins to raise awareness of cleanliness

Topito’s analysis: The bins obviously moan with pleasure every time they are given rubbish, which encourages people to throw it away. Ok, it’s original, but it’ll never be worth the trash that talks about Parc Astérix, which I consider a very close friend.

The city of Malmö has changed the traditional voice of its talking bins for a much more sensual female voice, with very evocative lyrics?

Posted by Le Progrès on Saturday, June 11, 2022

3. Unusual: two Mars employees fall into a giant vat of…chocolate

Topito’s analysis: Don’t worry, they’re fine, and if bathing in a pool of chocolate can make some people “dream” I think they had a rather bad experience of it. And you, would you like to swim in a swimming pool of what if you could choose?

A news item as rare as it is improbable took place in the factories of the American chocolate maker Mars where two employees fell into a gigantic cauldron of liquid chocolate

Posted by Midi Libre on Friday, June 10, 2022

4. USA: She contracts an STD in a car and receives $5.2 million in damages

Topito’s analysis: The United States is the country of lawsuits, you can ken in a car with your boyfriend, catch an infection, file a complaint against the brand of the car and pocket 5.2 million. The American dream in all its glory.

5. Faced with inflation, Snoop Dogg decides to raise the guy he pays to roll his joints.

Topito’s analysis: Here is a boss like we would all like to have, already because he seems very relaxed and the job is just to roll big joints but above all because he is aware of economic realities and takes measures quickly to help its employees.

“His fucking timing is impeccable! It’s his JOB, his job. On his CV, it is written: What do you do? I am a blunt roller, a professional PBR”

Posted by Trax Magazine on Saturday, June 11, 2022

6. Urban rodeo: a suspect loses his cap while fleeing, he comes to pick it up at the police station and is arrested

Topito’s analysis: Big champion that, because going back to a place full of people looking for you to get his cap is really not the smartest thing you could think of but without these people full of shitty ideas champions would not exist not.

7. She entrusts her horse to a breeder, the animal ends up in the butcher’s department

Topito’s analysis: If we can no longer trust our horse breeders, where is the world going? I hope at least that the culprits will pay and that the meat was not good, just to teach people who eat horse meat a good lesson.

8. Team Building: 25 people burn themselves walking on coal

Topito’s analysis: An okay person. Two people, okay. But twenty-five people? They all went there at the same time, those idiots? And who finds the ideas of team buidling in this company because it really sucks as an activity compared to quad biking for example.

9. His tenant leaves tons of trash before fleeing, he fights to recover his apartment

Topito’s analysis: You always have to be careful who you rent your apartment to, that’s the basic rule. Personally, I don’t have an apartment to rent since I’m renting myself in a rotten thing, but if that were the case, I’d be careful. On the other hand, I didn’t understand why the guy was fighting against waste, you just have to throw it away.

10. His pizza is slow to arrive, he calls the police to complain

Topito’s analysis: Normal. Frankly normal. The cops understand this kind of thing, we don’t mess around with pizzas and people who have the slab, I even hope he left a rotten review at the restaurant, it’s so serious.

And while waiting for it to cool down a bit, go see the teubés of the week, it’s done by my brother QuentinD whose mustache makes the whole Parisian right bank shiver with pleasure.

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