Top 10 dumbest news stories, champions of the week #381

Hi my apple crumbles (not pear, since that fruit is devil’s fruit and tastes and feels like hell) how are you on this beautiful Sunday in June? We’re not too bad, well, I’m speaking on my own behalf, my colleagues, I’m not sure, since they only speak to me to reprimand me for the fishnet tank top that I like to wear every day. You know it’s Sunday and Sunday is the day of the champions of the week, this collection of unusual miscellaneous facts that we find in part thanks to @adjustitle, someone who has a noble mission and who lives in a newspaper stand.

2. Tested positive for opiates, he says he drank cough syrup

Topito’s analysis: The thing is that it’s probably true, apparently they are testing to see if it was just the syrup that would have falsified the test. If in doubt, don’t drink this crap if you have to drive, even the super good one that tastes like caramel.

The 19-year-old lost his license and his job as a truck driver. He would like the responsiveness of the tests to drugs to be recognized.

Posted by L’Est Républicain on Friday, May 27, 2022

3. Former drug trafficker turned French boxing champion, this Girondin prevented a plane hijacking

Topito’s analysis: You have to believe in redemption, and also in unlikely stories. It gives faith in humanity and a little less faith in aviation, but we already had doubts about this not at all reassuring means of transport.

4. While trying to sell their house, Peter and his wife discover the unlikely: “We’ve been living in the wrong house for 20 years”

Topito’s analysis: Big fuck, and imagine how the postman must be biting his fingers for having delivered the mail to the wrong address all this time, that’s why they had never received this beach towel Jean- Michael Blanker.

5. Covid-19: a 17-year-old German creates a fake screening center and pockets 5.7 million euros

Topito’s analysis: Obviously he was swayed by his banker, which is not the role of a banker. Must say that 5.7 million euros it was probably starting to show, a little too greedy the kid.

6. She wins a diamond ring in a contest, her boyfriend immediately asks her to marry him

Topito’s analysis: Sometimes we feel that it’s time, all it takes is a sign to arrive and there’s no longer any doubt about the decision we had to make. There the sign was that his companion was now busted out of money and that’s enough in my opinion to make his marriage proposal.

7. Lost in 2020, the cat found eating croquettes at the hypermarket in Côtes d’Armor

Topito’s analysis: That’s good for cats, always giving a shit about how we feel about them as long as there’s kibble. And to think that he had been on the run for almost two years and that we find him stealing food from the supermarket, really ungrateful animals.

“We didn’t think we’d see him again, and it makes us laugh to know that he was found eating kibble…”?

Posted by Ouest France on Thursday, June 2, 2022

8. Judged in Reims, he commits so many thefts that he no longer knows for which he was appearing

Topito’s analysis: So I’m not an expert in legal affairs, but I imagine that if you go to court and start your defense with “what offense are we trying here already? it’s rather a sign that it’s particularly badly crossed.

9. Near Toulouse: in swimming trunks and flip flops, he tries to outrun the gendarmes for 40 km

Topito’s analysis: It’s not regulation dress for a chase, that’s all I have to say. When you prepare for this kind of offence, you have to think of everything and have the right gear, there clearly, it was completely lost in advance. Amateur.

10. The BAC believes in a burglary and handcuffs two players in the middle of an escape game in Paris

Topito’s analysis: Some will say that these are scrupulous policemen, others that it was probably the most immersive escape game experience ever made, personally I only have two questions: are they went to the end of the adventure and have they been partially reimbursed?

And wishing you a good end of the weekend, I can only recommend that you go read the teubés of the week and wash your clothes at thirty degrees, otherwise it will shrink.

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