Hey little raisin buns how are you? We drive pretty well as we say at home, a very steep place where there are a lot of cars. It’s Sunday, the weather is good and you know it, it’s time for the champions of the week, this selection of the dumbest and most unusual news stories that we’ve seen in the last seven days. Once again we thank the friend @ajutetitre for the help with the selection.
1. Downtown, Toison d’Or… He rides around Dijon on a remote-controlled mattress
Topito’s analysis: What a great walk you can do directly from your bed, everyone’s dream is generally unattainable because a mattress that moves is not found on every street corner. He has it and he took advantage of it during a beautiful moment of humanity which probably caused some traffic jams.
2. Italy: He finds his coffee too expensive, he calls the police who agree
Topito’s analysis: In Italy we don’t mess around with coffee, but from there to being able to call the cops to find out that the price is too high is unstoppable. Incredible story to see a country where the police are scrupulous about doing their job properly.
3. An ex-Front National dealer will appear in Toulouse for the attempted murder of a cocaine-addicted former police officer
Topito’s analysis: Kamoulox, double kamoulox even. Improbable and incomprehensible but still essential information to know that I share with you without really knowing why. There are way too many words that don’t seem to go together in this info.
4. Tony and his wife welcome a 22-year-old Ukrainian refugee: ten days later, he is in a relationship with her
Topito’s analysis: There are people for whom humanitarian aid probably has no limit, but to go from there to abandoning wife and child to shower refugees with love is a bit too much. Just provide room and board, that’s good enough.
5. Legislative in Paris: Sandrine Rousseau will face another Sandrine Rousseau and everything opposes them
Topito’s analysis: A little boring to navigate, and even if it is difficult to know which of the Sandrine Rousseaus will win, we can already tell ourselves that the big winner of the two will necessarily be Sandrine Rousseau.
6. “Haribeuh, life is beautiful, there is weed and teuchi”: catchy slogan but prison term for a dealer from Oise
Topito’s analysis: Of course, we cannot deprive the dealer of his sense of the formula, even if he probably did not have the rights to recover the initial slogan of the famous candy brand. That being said that wasn’t his biggest crime, it was mainly selling cannabis, as it’s illegal and all that.
7. She cries during a medical consultation, the hospital inflates her bill
Topito’s analysis: The United States is a country where everything has to go quickly, if you cry during your medical consultation you are wasting precious time for caregivers and time is money. Piss off all these sick people who are sad and who also prevent good people from working.
8. Côtes-d’Armor: Claiming to be a cyborg, he calls the gendarmerie to buy narcotics
Topito’s analysis: It was likely to work. Very little and for that to happen you had to add several really improbable parameters such as: an extremely naive policeman on the phone, drugs directly available in the building, a transaction that went unnoticed by dozens of other people who worked in the police … But it was likely to work.
9. His mother pays them the wedding of their dreams, makes her husband a baby and invites him to their wedding.
Topito’s analysis: A story like only bad screenwriters can tell: a couple, a loving mother who pays for a honeymoon trip for her daughter and her husband, then invites herself along the way to fuck her son-in-law during the trip. In all this story only one question matters to me is whether they had good weather during the 15 days of vacation.
10. His cheese stinks, the producer is fined €6,000
Topito’s analysis: Taking this kind of fines in THE country of smelly cheeses is a bit of a pain, the poor producer had probably put all his love into his product, and even if the thing really smelled like death, it’s still the case for 40 % of French cheeses. Ashamed.
Wishing you a good end of Sunday I suggest you go see the teubés of the week, there are geniuses on every street corner.