Top 10 dumbest news stories, champions of the week #379

hello my drizzles of olive oil on a mozzarella tomato salad, how are you on this Sunday when the sun caresses our delicate rays with our skins which are going to get pretty sunburns and undoubtedly cancer of the skin ? We are doing pretty well, even if the weekend has once again passed faster than the last bus to return from the evening when it is raining heavily and we have to return to Bordeaux from Courbevoie. It’s surprisingly very precise but don’t ask any more questions please. We salute once again the friend @adjusted who is above all a spiritual guide.

1. Ardennes: The gendarmes seize 600 liters of alcohol and do not consume it

Topito’s analysis: the title may surprise but on the one hand we are talking about gendarmes and on the other hand the Ardennes. And I can tell you that in the Ardennes we like good humor and a little drink. Heart on you my Woinic.

2. The Matignon website mistakenly announces the resignation of the government

Topito’s analysis: There should be a law that obliges the state to respect computer bugs to the letter, because in this case it would have been a nice “state error in your favor”.

3. Friday the 13th: a couple of students play the correct Euromillions numbers… at the Loto

Topito’s analysis: Big emotional lift for this nice little couple who probably spent a very shitty evening getting confused because they had just had a huge disappointment that will make them enter the pantheon of the biggest Loto seum.

4. “It can happen to you.” She forgets the marriage proposal organized with the help of Julien Courbet

Topito’s analysis: In truth, if you think about it for two minutes, it can REALLY happen to you. We all tend to forget Julien Courbet in general so we can clearly understand this story.

5. Aargau: locals appalled by a blowjob contest

Topito’s analysis: I don’t have the exact info if they were appalled that there was a blowjob contest in their village or that the level was really bad. I’ll find out and get back to you.

? For 90 francs, men will be able to “test in public the fellatio talents of eight great specialists” this Saturday in Oberentfelden (AG). The municipality cannot prevent the event.

Posted by 20 minutes online on Thursday, May 19, 2022

6. Drunk driving in Valserhône, he defends himself: “My boyfriend was more stoned than me”

Topito’s analysis: Good defense concretely, there’s nothing to complain about. Finally, if the police can possibly answer them that they would have done better not to drive, but overall it was a good attempt.

7. Pope Francis, suffering from knee pain, asks for “a little tequila” from Mexican priests

Topito’s analysis: It’s well known that Mexican priests always have a bit of tequila on them and if they are generally ready to share it, they will be all the more so if the pope asks.

8. American arrested for calling police too many times asking to put Joe Biden in jail

Topito’s analysis: Not liking your president is something that I can understand, really a lot. But from there to spam the cops with phone calls asking to put him in jail is a bit excessive.

Despite an initial warning, Jacob Philbeck, 29, kept calling 911 to request the deputies to arrest US President Joe Biden and free former Mexican drug kingpin El Chapo.

Posted by TIMES NOW on Thursday, May 19, 2022

9. Alcoholic passengers disrupt the flight, the pilot diverts his plane and disembarks them in Nantes

Topito’s analysis: Imagine the painting, you are on a plane quietly and drunk people are making a mess. Already rebooked. Then the plane is forced to land in an emergency and you find yourself delayed. Even crazier. But the worst thing is that you land in fucking Nantes.

10. Telling a man he’s bald would amount to sexual harassment, UK court rules

Topito’s analysis: The English have always been ahead of us, I think, in fact I’m not sure I’ve ever set foot there and the only image I have of this people is through the Harry Potter films. The problem is that the three judges were themselves bald, not sure if they were mega-objective at the time.

We wish you a good end of the weekend and so that it is I advise you to go see the teubés of the week, it embellishes the world.

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