Hello my little parmesan gougères, I hope you are all doing very well on this beautiful spring Sunday. You know it, I know it, your grandparents know it, Sunday is the day of the champions of the week, these geniuses of the news item section that we invite you to see right away. And as we quite often help ourselves to this brave @adjustit, we must obviously salute his work, thank you the artist.
1. Yvelines: Since 2017 he has voted Mylène Farmer in all the elections
Topito’s analysis: You can judge it but if we look at the poster of the second round that we have just banged it was really not funny to vote for her, there would certainly be a better atmosphere and more kindness with this woman in power.
2. Checked by the police, he hands a bag of meth along with his vehicle papers
Topito’s analysis: The tile, the dumpling, the bullshit… Of course we are less credible after that, especially with a bag of meth, it’s not a little piece of hash. I hope his papers were in order, otherwise it’s really badly crossed.
3. He attacks a security guard with a kebab
Topito’s analysis: A meeting that starts badly certainly, but these two men could well find themselves on the unconditional and limitless love that we all feel for kebabs. Maybe the abuser only wanted to give him a taste of his meal after all.
4. Vendée: he asks her to compare her sex to his, the evening degenerates into a fight
Topito’s analysis: Ouch, we’re on a fairly tough testosterone quota and faced with a fine demonstration of masculinity and virile friendship. We show our cocks, we hit each other, we drink shots… An evening we all want to go to after all.
5. A cat found on an offshore platform 5 years after its disappearance
Topito’s analysis: If Disney doesn’t make a movie about this story I don’t know what they need because there are clearly all the ingredients. That we find him in the middle of the ocean on an oil rig five years later is far too unlikely.
6. After his hospitalization, Buitoni offers him… a 20 euro voucher
Topito’s analysis: “Sorry to have poisoned you, here is a voucher to risk poisoning you again”. All that was missing was the word, that’s why this nice gesture didn’t go over very well with public opinion.
7. Landes: Two men sentenced for trying to bring duck breasts into prison
Topito’s analysis: Some condemn them where others would give them a medal. Everyone has the right to duck breasts, it’s in the constitution I think. Well, I’m not going to lie to you, there were drugs hidden in it, what a waste.
8. A YouTuber crashes his own plane to create buzz, his pilot’s license is revoked
Topito’s analysis: How far some people can go in search of buzz, it’s a little scary between those who sell their farts and find themselves hospitalized and those who crash their plane outright. After he made 2 million views, it’s not crazy.
9. Fired for handing out 5,000 fines, a train controller will return to his job
Topito’s analysis: A machine, a marginal. It seems that he even fined his colleagues and the train driver for not having tickets. He had caught the fever of the fine, what, it is well known.
10. USA: She adds cannabis to the food at her wedding and makes her guests sick
Topito’s analysis: But who would really want to drug all their wedding guests? What the hell is this idea? And then you have to respect the work of the caterer all the same, imagine the bad publicity it gives him behind.
And I wish you a very good evening, saying see you next week. Until then, beware of doors that open inwards, they often hide an entrance. I advise you to go see the teubés of the week, generally it’s a good way to end the weekend.