Top 10 dumbest news stories, champions of the week #375

hello my twigs of wood how are you on this second round Sunday? We’re not going too badly since we haven’t seen the results yet (we wrote this top last Friday). But let’s escape for a moment from this daily life filled with torments and not really funny announcements to go see the champions of the week, these unusual miscellaneous facts that we find in part thanks to @adjustedtitle, someone who likes to read a lot the press.

1. Spain: Her alarm clock goes off for two days, she receives a 100 euro fine

Topito’s analysis: Imagine suffering someone’s awakening for two days without being able to stop it: it’s horror. Frankly, a hundred bullet fine is not huge, normally that’s straight to prison.

2. Why did a Turkish restaurateur try to send a kebab into space?

Topito’s analysis: A good question, because frankly if it’s a way to give him a taste of another form of life, it’s going to be complicated. Just look at the mouth of the kebab after a five-minute delivery by bike, it shouldn’t look like much once in space.

3. A 95-year-old Brit takes pictures standing on a plane in flight

Topito’s analysis: He had mis-spotted the plane’s entrance and traveled directly on the roof the entire flight. Poor sir. Good in real sacred courage to do this kind of acrobatics at his age.

4. Clamart: the funeral director wrote a false exhumation authorization to recover the jewelry of a deceased

Topito’s analysis: We are on a lack of race of a rare intensity, we called it grave robbers for a time and it was already not very pretty at that time. And at the same time, it’s true that she no longer needs her jewelry…

5. He masturbates, injures his lungs and ends up in intensive care

Topito’s analysis: Sad story, sometimes the little pleasures can go wrong and this poor young man has paid the price. I don’t want to joke about it, it’s too important a subject. Get well soon my friend.

? In Winterthur (ZH), a 20-year-old young man spent four days in hospital after a misadventure in the middle of an “auto-erotic” session. His case is documented in a journal.

Posted by 20 minutes online on Thursday, April 14, 2022

6. Bordeaux: she marries her husband’s twin… by mistake

Topito’s analysis: If you’re wondering, it’s not her who confused it, it’s the administration of the town hall who probably did a nice bullshit. Suddenly the bride will be forced to start a new life with her brother-in-law and that’s sad. But it is the law.

A Bordeaux woman had a funny misadventure when her husband’s birthplace “married” her to her brother-in-law, reports “Sud-Ouest”.

Posted by Le Point on Saturday, April 16, 2022

7. He brings a bottle of tequila to daycare and drinks it with the other kids.

Topito’s analysis: It’s often said that you have to be young, but starting to blow your head off with tequila at daycare is still a bit early if you ask me.

8. American gets $450,000 compensation for unwanted birthday party

Topito’s analysis: You can understand not liking surprises, not wanting to celebrate your birthday too, but going from there to freaking out, getting fired and filing a complaint against your company is going a bit too far for a simple birthday party.

The employee is said to have had a panic attack, and the next day would have “carried away, clenching his fists and his teeth, his face red and trembling”

Posted by Ouest France on Tuesday, April 19, 2022

9. Pyrénées-Orientales: he blew up his toilet trying to unclog it and ended up in the hospital

Topito’s analysis: Generally when you clean your toilets use stuff that works well and doesn’t explode when mixed. This advice is not only valid for your toilets, but for just about everything you need to clean.

A 29-year-old man mixed two products while trying to unclog his toilet. He should not have. He was hospitalized, injured in the eardrums.

Posted by LeMatin.ch on Monday, April 18, 2022

10. Seine-et-Marne: He steals t-shirts from Go Sport in Carré Sénart but remains locked in the store

Topito’s analysis: It’s what we call karma, he wanted to steal great t-shirts and he took the glass door in the face when he left because it had been blocked.

And we’ll tell you next week bunch of little wags.

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