Top 10 dumbest news stories, champions of the week #366

Hi my little Vosges fir pastilles, how are you? We’re all going quietly since it’s Sunday, even if in reality it’s not really Sunday when I’m writing these lines. Anyway it’s time for the champions of the week and you know very well what it’s all about, it’s all about the most unusual news items of the last seven days and it’s partly thanks to @ rightly so that we find these nuggets. Without further ado, I suggest that you stop the preliminaries there and get to the heart of the matter.

1. Savoie: two holidaymakers board a gondola in the middle of the night and find themselves stranded

Topito’s analysis: There are people who are really ready to do anything not to pay for their ski passes, but to find themselves stuck like idiots in a gondola is not a great vacation plan.

2. He wants to deprive his children of the Internet but cuts the connection of his entire neighborhood in the Landes

Topito’s analysis: He was determined to punish them and he went far. Maybe a little too much. Not without messing around, don’t do that, deprive good people of the internet you really have to have no heart.

3. Landes: he says “pain au chocolat” in a bar and starts a fight

Topito’s analysis: Decidedly it was the big mess in the Landes this week, it was not really the place where you should go on vacation. Let’s end this sordid conflict once and for all and call these pastries chocopains.

4. A museum guard draws eyes on a canvas estimated at nearly 900,000 euros because he was bored on his first day

Topito’s analysis: Have you ever screwed up on your first day of work? Him I can tell you that he is not ready to find one given how he shit in the pot (an expression from home to say do something stupid).

5. Banned from banking, this influencer has to give up her surgery in the middle of the operation

Topito’s analysis: In general, don’t try to buy stuff you can’t afford. Well, we’re lucky, she’s an influencer, which means that ultimately she’s going to launch a new trend of half-finished surgeries.

Following the sudden freezing of her bank accounts, Hareem Shah, a Pakistani influencer, had to leave her lip filler surgery with only half of her mouth plumped up.

Posted by Le Dauphiné Libéré on Saturday, February 12, 2022

6. On their fourth date, he helps her give birth

Topito’s analysis: The fourth date is generally that of confirmation, we have already launched the relationship a little and it is a question of seeing if it can really stick. And to achieve that, I really can’t think of a better idea than to give birth together.

7. “I was drunk”: Gérard Depardieu talks about his support for Nicolas Sarkozy in 2007

Topito’s analysis: Having to justify and explain yourself for bullshit is often boring, that’s why with this answer we clearly no longer have this problem, it works with all bullshit and everyone has the same understanding reaction and benevolent like “ah yeah, you were drunk I know”.

8. Kim Jong-un sends his gardeners to a camp because the Kimjongilias didn’t bloom

Topito’s analysis: What is the real information here? That Kim Jong-un is really a ruthless character? That he had flowers created in his name? That he loves flowers so much that he gets really pissed off if they don’t bloom on time? No idea, but it brings one more nuance to an already complex character.

9. Spain: dealers fake killer whale attack to get towed to port and smuggle in drugs

Topito’s analysis: You should never underestimate the inventiveness of the dealers, because going to invent things as particular as an orc attack is perfectly improbable. Sales geniuses ready to do anything to make their business flourish.

10. Russian athletes set Olympic record and celebrate with middle fingers

Topito’s analysis: They were very happy to win and it’s nice to see, so much joy and good humor is really welcome. No idea if the gesture has a different meaning in Russia.

Until next week I wish you a very pleasant weekend and strongly advise you not to try to cook nougat, it’s super hard.

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