As I write these lines, it’s Friday, but you’ll only read this top on Sunday, that’s what you call living ahead of your time and I’m proud of it. But that’s not the point: you came for your favorite meeting, that of the champions of the week. So it’s off to a new gaggle of stupid miscellaneous facts with a few unlucky fanatics and others who I would say are “well lit” even if it’s not lights. As usual, thanks to @Ajustetitre for the helping hand.
1. A bored museum guard draws eyes with a ballpoint pen on a nearly million dollar board
Topito’s Analysis : Can’t blame the guy, maybe he didn’t have any sudoku puzzles left to fill. Surely I would have done the same.
2. In Nancy, he wants to start his drug trade then gives up and brings back 800g of cannabis to the police station
Topito’s Analysis : We always say “only fools don’t change their minds”, well I think that rule is no longer valid today.
3. The nun blazed at the casino and treated herself to a vacation with private school money
Topito’s Analysis : By now, she’s probably already selling the rights to her story to Netflix. And we are all extremely excited to see the documentary.
4. Indian couple get married in NFT with a digital priest
Topito’s Analysis : They lived happily and had a lot of cryptocurrencies. This story is super romantic, it makes me want to go and set up a start-up.
5. Postal workers “high” after eating cannabis brownies from a package
Topito’s Analysis : Ah, it’s sure to change from Ricard at 7am, huh. Yes, it’s a huge cliché, but at the same time they really wanted it. I’m still waiting for a refund for my stolen Christmas 2020 package so I’m a little angry.
6. The driving instructor was drunk and sleeping… during a lesson on the highway!
Topito’s Analysis : In the countryside, that’s exactly how you learn, at 8 years old with grandpa taking a nap on the passenger side, and it has never bothered anyone. The times are changing…
7. Cops raid the wrong address and break an innocent man’s arm
Topito’s Analysis : No, but we can’t blame them, it’s a problem with the system: at the police academy, we don’t have any lessons to learn how to read the numbers on the doors. Inevitably, the guys do as they can, and sometimes it sucks.
8. A zoo hires a Marvin Gaye impersonator to help the monkeys reproduce.
Topito’s Analysis : Personally, I would have hired a Florent Pagny imitator to teach them to love, but the initiative is already very cool. I hope the monkeys enjoyed and copulated to no longer power.
9. He wears 864 insect tattoos even though he hates them.
Topito’s Analysis : Do not count on me to try to justify such an undertaking. After a while it’s not my fault if people are slightly stupid.
10. United States: An elected Republican confuses “Gestapo” and “gazpacho” in an interview
Topito’s Analysis : If ever you are as intellectually limited as this charming person, here is a list of words not to be confused, it will always be useful to you.
Once again, you are not on this list, and you are very lucky. Pray that you don’t find yourself in the teubés of the week either.