Top 10 dumbest news stories, champions of the week #361

Hello my coco pearls, how are you on this beautiful partly sunny Sunday? Every week I write the champions of the week before Sunday and every week I try to guess what the weather will be like, it’s kind of my little bet (yeah my life is overall very sad). Anyway it’s Sunday and it’s time to talk about the champions of the week, you know, it’s about the stories that have made it into the news this week and it’s partly thanks to @justetitre that we manage to find as many.

1. Police fired for playing Pokémon Go instead of stopping burglary

Topito’s analysis: We could very easily overwhelm them, throw stones at them, but I want to say that apparently they were trying to catch Snorlax and he’s super hard to find, so frankly it’s understandable.

2. Coronavirus: A woman locks her son in the trunk of the car so as not to be contaminated

Topito’s analysis: She must have obviously been affected by the virus of bullshit which also circulates a lot and which is talked about less (it denounces here or what). The poor kid is fine, don’t worry, in the meantime we wish this woman a good isolation in police custody, to think about it.

She wanted to have her child tested without taking the slightest step outside the passenger compartment of her vehicle.

Posted by CNEWS on Tuesday, January 11, 2022

3. A cleaning lady unplugs the fridge: more than 5,000 doses of vaccine lost in Angers

Topito’s analysis: Everyone makes mistakes, okay, did you ever do anything stupid before judging that poor woman? In addition it was doses for children so it’s not so serious, it will toughen them up a little.

An act of negligence would have led to the loss of more than 1,000 vials of Pfizer vaccine, or more than 5,000 doses, as well as more than a hundred doses for children, in Angers, Maine-et-Loire.

Posted by Le Dauphiné Libéré on Tuesday, January 11, 2022

4. Turkey: A breeder equips his cows with virtual reality goggles so that they produce more

Topito’s analysis: His idea is to give them the impression that they are out in the pastures and not locked up in a warehouse. Yeah, there we are. We pollute even more by using energy to give the impression to the poor animals that we exploit that they are outside.

5. Coronavirus in India: Police raid on dog’s birthday

Topito’s analysis: Dog birthdays are always a big mess, people listen to “who let the dogs out” loudly until late at night, they make kibble tracks and they bark as soon as someone goes through the window. Quite logically the police must come and reframe all this before it really gets out of hand.

6. Spain: On the run for twenty years, a Sicilian mobster found thanks to Google Maps

Topito’s analysis: He was found because we photographed him while we were taking 360° photos to map the streets near Madrid. Technology is really shit when you think about it, 20 years that it was hidden away we find it because of an old rotten photo.

7. North: What is the relationship between the gendarmes, the Covid and a dog licking its anus?

Topito’s analysis: So, in fact, the story is a bit rotten because basically it’s just about a video for barrier gestures in Canada where we see a dog licking its anus and running towards friends of its mistress to lick their face (gross) and gendarmes shared the thing on the networks. But the journalist who decided to do an article about it and find this title, he is the real champion.

8. Walloon budget minister or animal masturbator?

Topito’s analysis: At a certain stage we can ask ourselves the question that this Belgian newspaper raises, what is the worst job in the world? Become minister of the budget when there is a crisis and be spat on by all his compatriots or masturbate animals to be spat on by all the animals? Complex.

9. A canvas painted by a sow named Pigcasso sold for 23,500 euros, a record

Topito’s analysis: The real interesting thing in this info, besides the fact that we have a sow in front of us who has painted several hundred paintings, is that the animal is called Pigcasso, and that’s really funny. Look at her paintings, frankly she is gifted. If you want to make some money at the end of the month, have your pet painted.

? Very prolific, this sow whose owner taught her to paint, is already the author of more than 400 paintings. The previous record was held by a chimpanzee. ??

Posted by The New Republic on Saturday, January 8, 2022

10. He was masturbating on his balcony in Magland: 6 months suspended sentence

Topito’s analysis: So the news on the one hand is really strange, but I especially discovered the town of Magland through this news and I tell myself that this city had its place with French cities with a sexual connotation and that we missed it.

And while waiting for next week, you can totally go see the teubés of the week. Kisses.

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