Do you see how evolution works? If so, stay here, if not, take a look at the top of the evolutions of the human body still in progress, you will understand everything. Now that everyone is up to date, let’s get to the heart of the matter.
Evolution has worked wonders. Over the years (or rather millions of years), thanks to natural selection, species have gradually perfected themselves into beautiful machines adapted to their environment. All is not perfect, but generally, living beings are rather well in their environment. The problem is that evolution, which has no conscience, has also created some very weird and even downright monstrous things in the process, and that’s slightly creepy. To wonder if certain species have done well to evolve. That’s what we’re talking about today.
1. The giant squid has a 2.5m long penis that it uses as a weapon
To mate, this delightful 18-meter-long animal uses its 2.5-meter-long sex to puncture one of its partner’s arms and inseminate it. He’s such a nag that he can sometimes perforate himself and inject his own sperm. It’s really the kind of stuff that makes us think that evolution is really badly named.
2. Prehistoric bears were the size of cars.
It is estimated that the bears that lived in America more than 500,000 years ago were about 3.5 meters long. They were monsters that could weigh 1.5 tons against about 600kg for brown bears today. Better not piss them off.
3. Male bee sex explodes when they breed
After millions of years of evolution, male bees have been totally ripped off by genetics. When these gentlemen want to copulate with their sweetheart, they squirt their sperm very quickly, and their genitals explode. Basically, they go from virgins to eunuchs in less than a second, and then they die with dignity. Life gives them a big middle finger.
4. The last mammoths had a shitty time.
Evolution did not spare mammoths, most of which died out around 12,000 BC. But a species of dwarf mammoth still survived until 1700 BC (the Egyptians had already built their pyramids long ago) on an island off Siberia, Wrangel Island. And that’s where it was not jojo. In reduced numbers, the critters experienced a good big inbreeding while surviving in not terrible conditions. Because of their incestuous couplings, they developed diseases such as diabetes, loss of smell, and disturbances in their social behavior, while the rise of the oceans gradually reduced their territory. It’s really not worth it to be the last survivor of his kind.
5. Baby bull sharks eat each other in their mother’s womb
Evolution has made bull sharks big nags. Already, during mating, the males force the female by locking her in their jaws to fertilize her. You can forget all about consent, guys don’t know that. But it’s in the mother’s womb that the most disgusting thing happens: the different offspring of the different dads start eating each other once they hatch from their eggs. And it goes like in Koh-Lanta: in the end, there is only one left. Or two.
6. Female hyenas give birth through their clitoris
You may already know that female hyenas have an oversized clitoris that suggests they have a penis when observed. The thing dangles between their legs like a zigounette. But if it stopped there, it wouldn’t be too bad. Only, the clitoris of hyenas is also the place through which they urinate and, above all, give birth. Baby hyenas, which weigh 1 or 2 kilos, must therefore go through this very narrow thing which ends up, most of the time, by tearing at the time of delivery. It’s very painful for the mother and the thing takes weeks to heal. What did the hyenas do to deserve this? Finally, apart from attacking Simba, what did they do?
7. There is a vampire finch
When we think of vampires, we normally think of bats (and again, most of them are nice), but certainly not cute little birds. Well, there is a small finch living in the Galapagos that evolved to feed on the blood of other animals. Its favorite preys are large seabirds which it opens from behind with its sharp little beak before drinking their blood while they are alive. Generally, the smell attracts many other vampire finches who come to participate in the feast. The images are quite disturbing to observe, we warn you.
8. Sea cucumbers can gut themselves to scare off predators.
“Sea cucumber” is a name that we will call “funny”, but when you see sea cucumbers (of their real name) in the photo, it already gives less fishing. These despicable things live at the bottom of the oceans and have developed a particularly disgusting technique to escape their predators: they take out all their organs, through their mouths or through their anus, to freak them out. Because in addition to being visually frightening, this technique allows other animals to take advantage of the internal stench of the sea cucumber. Then the sea cucumber regenerates its organs, but it takes time, and then we’re not going to lie: it is disgusting.
9. Mole rats kidnap children from other colonies
Already, given their face, mole rats are part of what evolution has produced most scary, but let’s leave the physical side. What interests us today is their attitude. Mole rats love to attack other colonies of mole rats to expand their territory, and when they carry out their attacks, they spare youngsters under 2 weeks old to raise as their slaves. The baby mole-rats grow up and do all the rotten tasks such as the maintenance of the galleries. It is also, and above all, a way for the captors to bring some genetic diversity back into their colony: slaves sometimes have the right to mate with their queen to avoid too much inbreeding. Thank you life.
10. A fungus turns ants into zombies to survive
Let’s end with a nice story that may prevent you from sleeping. This story is about theOphiocordyceps unilateralis, a fungus living in tropical environments that has developed a particularly awful technique to reproduce. The little mushroom waits patiently in the form of spores in the forest for an ant to come and breathe it. A month later, it has grown enough in the ant’s body to take over. Basically, he directs her a bit like directing a puppet, but from the inside. He forces her to climb a plant stem and then to cling to the height with her mandibles. The ant dies there, and the stem of the fungus comes out of its head, grows, and then scatters new pores that will be breathed in by other ants. And so on. Evolution is better than horror movies actually.