The first car you knew, that of your parents, inevitably marked your childhood. She took you everywhere, to school, to friends, to football training, on vacation, to the supermarket, and even to Aunt Monique’s (yes, a must). All that leaves a lot of memories, but, above all, it says a lot about your family. Because a car is not just a car. It is an identity, a social marker. It’s an open book that I’m going to dive right into to read inside you.
1. Renault Espace: You lived in a large family
It’s simple, your parents decided that they would give birth to a rugby team, and they did. That’s how you found yourself in the middle of a slew of siblings who were making noise and constantly stealing your toys. Or your clothes. Or your food. In short, you have learned to live among a horde of lawless savages, but you still love them very much because after all, they are your family.
2. Peugeot 307: Your parents were on the left
In this good old Peugeot whose interior always smelled of stale smoke, your parents drove you to your circus arts classes cursing as soon as they came across the slightest 4×4. Of course, the car radio only knew three different artists: Jean Ferrat, Brassens and Bernard Lavilliers. Once, we had to stop on the low side when you innocently launched a: “I will be the boss later”. Your dad looked you in the eye and asked you never to say that again. It marked you a lot.
3. Audi A4: Your parents were on the right
This car, which smelled like new leather, took you every Wednesday from your tennis lesson to your violin class. Often, when you wanted to talk, your father interrupted you and turned up the radio to better hear the economic bulletin. Bad luck, his stock price had gone down; he was going to be in a bad mood the rest of the day.
4. Renault Twingo: Your parents were divorced
While dad “worked hard” to pay “that damn pension”, it was mom who took care of most of your trips at the wheel of her little apple-green city car. She was cool and even let you ride in front when you weren’t 10 yet. That’s the day she asked you if Patricia, Dad’s new friend, was nice, and if she made Dad laugh. You were a bit uncomfortable with these questions.
5. Citroen Picasso: You lived in a family of artists
The crate wasn’t overloaded with paintings like the walls in your living room, but it still contained loads of artist stuff in its trunk. It included your brother’s trumpet, your sister’s grape-sized drawing pouch, and Mom’s camera, not to mention your ballet shoes. Only your father had no favorite field, but driving his Picasso, he felt the soul of a great artist. A great niche artist, perhaps.
6. New Beetle: Your parents didn’t want kids
A car like that, with so little room in the back, inevitably conveys a message: we didn’t really want kids, so now adapt. That’s how you and your brother quickly got used to taking up very little space in life. Besides, now, we don’t always notice that you’re there. You are so discreet that your friends regularly forget to invite you to their birthday parties. Yes, it’s sad, so assert yourself now. The New Beetle is a thing of the past.
7. Ford Focus: You lived in a weird family
It’s bad luck for you: you lived in a family of fat nutcases. Your brothers and sisters bore improbable names like Lunule, Guillaumin, Djayzone or even Kévin, and your education was nothing but a succession of great nonsense. You watched MTV, ate sand at tea time and sang Francky Vincent. The car was mainly used to take you to grandma’s for the holidays because your parents couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe they shouldn’t have had kids.
8. Renault 21: You had cool parents
Who was it that met at the MacDo drive with mom two nights a week? It’s you. And who was it that we took to rock concerts when we weren’t 12? It’s you too. This car, it made you do lots of things that all your friends dreamed of, so you kind of had tears in your eyes the day it died in a movie parking lot. Your father had just shown you your first horror movie, but the real horror was there, before your eyes, and it was a Renault 21 whose hood smoked way too much.
9. Opel Zafira: Your parents were stupid
You were an only child, and yet they had chosen to buy a big car with plenty of room in it. And no, they didn’t even have loads of stuff to carry. They were just jerks. But you still managed to survive despite that and build yourself a real life, so I congratulate you.
10. Citroën C15: you lived in the countryside
This C15 has taken you on your best adventures, especially when you were sitting in the back, with no seat, and bumping into each other every corner. Ah, we knew how to live in time…
11. (Bonus) Ferrari F40: you don’t exist
Your parents never conceived you. They live happily without any children. It is for this reason that they ended up having enough money to buy this car. You can’t even blame them: you don’t exist.