Top 10 biggest wanks in football history

Do you think 10-goal scores only exist when you watch your little cousin Tom’s team get screwed? Well think again! The biggest competitions and the best teams have also had the worst beatings in history. It’s not always the small teams that are expensive, mind you. A thought for the Brazilians who suffered the humiliation of their lives against the Germans during the World Cup in 2014.

Here is an anthology of the greatest spankings in the history of football, legendary or just with scores worthy of a rugby match, we agree that some teams should think about retraining.

1. Germany’s mythical 7-1 defeat of Brazil at the 2014 World Cup

Inevitably this match comes first in this top as it marked the spirits. Brazil, 5 times world champion, lost at home against the Germans in a lamentable match where the Brazilians took 7 goals in the face, a hard blow for the team.

During this semi-final, remember that Neymar and Thiago Silva were absent, but despite that, Brazil did not play at their level at all by making serious defensive errors, and the Germans were able to be effective.

That’s why Brazil lost 7-1 in this semi-final, which goes down in history as it represents the widest score ever recorded in a World Cup semi-final.

2. The 149-0 (true) during the AS Adema match against the Emyrne Olympic Stadium

There you go, 149 goals in 90 minutes, do the math but that’s about one goal every 36 seconds, even more impressive than the beating your little cousin Tom took last weekend.

Well, don’t get me wrong there is a reason behind all this (no the players didn’t just fall asleep on the pitch). The Olympic Stadium of Emyrne, Malagasy team, decided to protest against the arbitration by scoring voluntarily against their camp. This follows a referee a few weeks earlier destroying their hope of qualifying for the African Champions League.

Granted, it’s a rather special way of protesting given that the team has humiliated itself by setting a new record of defeats in the history of football in an official competition. Especially since a lot of players and managers got suspended after that. In short, a strike is better guys.

3. The Vanuatu-Micronesia match: 46-0

During the Pacific Games in 2015, the Micronesia team had a very, very complicated journey.

After two defeats 30-0 against Tahiti and 38-0 against Fiji (never two without three), the team lost (again) 46-0 against Vanuatu. Not crazy results that make the Micronesia team the worst team in the history of football (the poor, but you always need one last).

4. Manchester United 9-0 against Southampton

As I was saying, even the “big” teams take a good slap in the face. And that was precisely the case of Southampton against Manchester United in the Premier League in February 2021, which still took 9 goals in the face.

5. Australia take on American Samoa 31-0

Even if Australia is not necessarily renowned for its qualities in terms of football, against Samoas it has nevertheless turned into a more than formidable opponent.

It was in the 2002 World Cup qualifying rounds that Australia knocked out Samoa and made history by setting 2 new records: biggest goal spread and most goals scored by a player (Archie Thompson). Enough to go up a little in the Fifa ranking (or not).

6. Bayern Munich who crush Rottach-Egern: 23-0

It was during a friendly match against FC Rottach-Egern (an amateur club, it’s important to say, they mustn’t start showing off) that the Bavarians had a lot of fun and scored 23 goals to their opponent with a quadruple from Tolisso and four hat-tricks from Lewandowski, Leon Goretzka, Thomas Müller and Kwasi Otschi Wriedt.

7. Flamengo against Greminho FC (women’s teams): 56-0

Among women, some scores can also be quite impressive. During the women’s championship in Rio de Janeiro, the women of Flamengo won 56-0 against Greminho.

It was in 2019 during the 3rd day of the women’s championship in Rio de Janeiro. At halftime the score was already 29-0, and the Greminho team still decided to continue the match to take 27 goals afterwards, sometimes it is better to know when to stop.

8. PSG against OM (women’s teams) 11-0

On January 18, 2020, the women’s classico was largely (and still the word is weak) dominated by Parisiennes during a D1 match.

Olivier Echouafni’s players crushed the Marseillaises 11-0 at the Jean Bouin stadium with a hat-trick from Katoto and Diani, two doubles from Nadim and Baltimore and finally a goal from Formiga, the Parisiennes were not deprived.

9. Hungary against El Salvador in the 1982 World Cup: 10-1

In the 1982 World Cup knockout stages, Hungary humiliated El Salvador in a match that the Hungarians won 10-1. However, this big victory will not help the Hungarians in the competition so much, who will be eliminated in the first round.

10. Nania FC against Okwawu United (31-0) in the Ghanaian championship

It was in 2007 during the Ghanaian championship that Abedi Pelé’s club, Nania FC, faced Okwawu United.

It was a decisive match for a rise in the first division, the club had to catch up with the impressive score (28-0) of its main opponent: the Great Mariniers.

Finally Nania FC will create the feat by beating Okwawu United to 31 goals against 0. The Ghanaian federation will find it very strange, and sanctions the 4 clubs for these somewhat dubious scores (even if Abedi Pelé will appeal for this sanction). Too bad because there was a show for once.

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