We know it today, the Disney have changed our representation of the world, naive kids that we were. Because life in Disney is not really real life. Starting with the mouths of the animals that we thought for a long time too cute, before realizing that their real faces had nothing to do with their representations. AND WE DID NOT SEEN IT COMING.
1. Pumba in “The Lion King”
Clearly the film that compiles the best Disney punchlines. Did you think that fat warthog would always have such a cheerful face? That it would be enough to give him a big hug to dissuade him from goring your ass in the middle of the forest? Well no. The real Pumba, isn’t so cute in real life. On the other hand, it is very good on the barbecue.
2. Gus and Jack in “Cinderella”
The mice at Cinderella, they are super nice (they are even part of the rather sexy Disney characters in my opinion), they wear clothes, they make dresses that are too stylish to the eye, they wake you up in the morning with birds that sing, WOW awesome! Let’s not forget that mice in real life, that’s not it.
3. Baloo in “The Jungle Book”
Come on, a bear that carries you on its canister while it floats along the river, while singing cushy? If it’s not a dark story of a pedophile disguised as a bear, it’s clearly a great myth. Because in life, we know very well what a bear does if it sees your face.
4. Sébastien, the crab from “The Little Mermaid”
Well already, when your best friend is a crab, we can clearly assume that your social life stinks of death. Even if the crab in question is rather voluble (I even almost want to say that he has a certain sense of repartee), and that his charming smile allows you to give him a kiss without being disgusted. But actually no, we wouldn’t do that to a real crab. Never.
5. Rajah, Jasmine’s tiger in “Aladdin”
Like, do you think the guy is going to purr under your hand and give you a hand to free you from an all-powerful wizard? But the tiger, he cuts you in two, he eats your calves and keeps the intestines to feed his young.
6. Tilt, the ant from “1001 legs”
But shut up Tilt with your sky blue skin, don’t you think we understood that you were doing it to us upside down? WE KNOW ! WE KNOW YOU DON’T REALLY LOOK LIKE THIS.
7. The 101 Dalmatians in “101 Dalmatians”
It’s not against the Dalmatians who aren’t terrible per se, but just… 101 Dalmatians, it’s panic, the best thing is still to drown them all and then sauté them in a frying pan. Finally Cruella is the most rational character of the film.
8. Jiminy Cricket in “Pinocchio”
WOW. But it’s a cricket! It’s not because he’s wearing a hat and an umbrella that he’s not a disgusting insect, but anyway.
9. Pinocchio in “Pinocchio”
Because in absolute terms, even if you are very good at wood carving, you probably won’t be able to bring a puppet to life and the result will more likely look like this…
10. Nemo in The World of Himself
I’m going to throw a stone into the world of the fish community, but for those who have seen “Finding Nemo”, you must immediately shatter your illusions, if you are fished, at best, you will end up in an aquarium, at worst, dressed in a nice layer of breadcrumbs.
11. A cup in “Beauty and the Beast”
OK, it’s not an animal, but still, Disney really made fun of us on this one.